Are you a Facebook Junkie?

I was browsing through CNN when I saw this article, which made me chuckled instantly, really, more instant than the most instant noodle. Apparently there are Facebook junkies to add up to their brotherhood junkies like junk food junkies, hard core drug junkies (plainly known as "junkies"), Malaysian politics junkies, Blog junkies, Telenovela junkies, Reality TV show junkies to name a few. We are all junkies in some way or another. At least I'm no Junkie junkie. Be damned with other CNN headlines, there's always political trouble brewing everywhere, it's a never ending story, and with the Homo Sapiens, they're hardly good news. (if you don't want to run out of job, be a journalist, a doctor, a restauranteer and a coffin maker; unless of course you live in a community who cremates the dead) You are more important so you must find out if you are a Facebook junkie

Me? I'm a blog junkie for sure, no need to go into any psychological evaluation, I confess!! "Hello everyone....I'm Pah Nur.....and I'm a Bloggaholic, please don't save me.". And I can put my bottom ringgit (which isn't worth much these days anyway) that there are many out there who would greet me back, "Hello Pah Nur.....". It's so nice to know that you're not alone in the universe of bloggerhood.

Although I love popping in and out of Facebook off and on, it has not gone beyond the point of being dysfunctional. But when it comes to blogging..perhaps....especially when I start writing articles, I can get really self indulgent and anti social, but hey... most great artists are anyway..heh...heh..heh...(oh just bare with me....I mean, bear with me in a journey of narcissim, I don't plan to join the politics, so I'm a syiiiiok sendiri narcissist, no harm caused). I read somewhere Leonardo da Vinci use to lock himself up when he had a lead and was working on something. But my blog junkieness compliments quite well with my nature of work,( I kill time in between blogging by attending to my patients. How traggic can a cough and cold be you tell me. All I need to do is say "yes", "uhhuh", "really?" , "poor thing", "oh no", "ohhh.."....while thinking of what to write next) and since I'm a workaholic, well, I'm a functional junkie!!! Of course once in a while I tend to make a boo boo, but a minor and harmless one. For example, I'd put my stetoscope on someone's chest (of which I already know he was too well to give out medically thrilling sounds fromwithin his chest - he looked too well for that) and I'd think about a brilliant line to pen down, since the whole checking the lungs process can buy me up to 5 minutes of time to think, and I told him "open your mouth" instead of "inhale". (Sometimes, it's the other way round). But it's okay, because he can't be bitchy about it, as I've made sure he can't speak when I shoved that thermometer, which I know is no going to indicate he's having any fever, into his mouth. (I'm so on the way to becoming Dr House....just need to become phenominally and abnormally brilliant). But enough about me. How about listening in to this video to find out more about this new phenomena...noooo, not me, (I'm an old phenomena ) ; about Facebook junkie.



And read this; Five clues that you are addicted to Facebook. If you've just found out that you're a Facebook junkie, distress not, because here's what you need to do, medically speaking, "GET A LIFE!!!!" A real one out of internet............if you can't stand your own species, have it with the aliens, apparently, they exist. Read here and here if you don't believe me . I warn you though, any "intelligent form of life out there" who chose to come in contact with the human species, cannot be all that intelligent after all..you're better off a Facebook junkie.

By golly gee!! It's Jit Murad!!!!!!

I bumped into Jit Murad today. Yes I did. I was in La Bodega's to pick up tickets for his stand up comedy show, when I saw him upstairs, probably preparing for his show tomorrow. This is what I like about having unusual lunch time, I have higher probability of bumping into people who try not to bump into the crowd, that is, if you can call 11am lunch time. It's like what I told management who insisted I cut down my lunch hours by 15 minutes everyday to come in early to work, "It's not possible,there is no lunch available until after 12pm. There's no point giving someone a lunch break at breakfast time is there?". Of course they were not very amused by my cunning answer, but that is another story.

Question. Does everyone become the ultimate idiot when facing their idol, or is it just me? I waved when I saw him, and he actually came over. I remember vaguely having a conversation I thought to be decent at the time I was having it,if of course it can be defined as a conversation, since I'm probably the one having the verbal diarrhoea and next thing you know, I was heading out of La Bodega, going through the whole moment, wondering, what the hell was I muttering about? What the bloody hell had gotten into me?!!! And he's not even straight!!

What is it about celebreties that makes a person go duuuuuuuuhhhhh ? Well, not all celebreties, just the ones that matters really. It's like suffering from White Coat hypertension I guess. You can't help having your blood pressure shoot up the moment you see a doctor. It's one of those rare occasion when I was actually not analyzing nor working up a diagnosis as I was having conversation with someone (It's the job, blame it on my bloody profession), because I was too busy trying to not let my brains ooze out through my ears in the effort to keep my cool...a couple of degrees lower, and I'd probably turned into Vanilla Ice... How can I, IT'S JIT MURAD!!!

Oh don't worry. I'm not the stalker material. The only thing I ever stalk in my life is my daughter, just to make sure she brushes her teeth, make up her bed blah blah, you get the picture. I respect Jit's talents and more so his wittiness. He can't help it, he's just so funny, intelligently witty, his stand up comedy almost always gives me mental orgasm...if there is such a thing. It must be tough on him to keep up with the expectations of being funny all the time, people may think he's down with meningitis if he attempts to be at all serious. To me, he's one of the best stand up comedian, if not the best, and I'm sure to many others. And stand up comedy is something that is really tough to do. It's hard to just be funny, let alone be funny on stage. He does a brilliant job in other aspect of literary endeavors too, I remember being mesmerized by his story telling. It was a simple story, about his journey in life but presented in such eloquent manner that you just can't help but fall victim to all ears. And Jit, if you ever happen to read this, in all that blabbering, pardon my manners for I forgot to tell you, "my condolences for the passing of your father, may his soul rest in peace".

DIE YOU MICKEY , SOLDIER OF SATAN !!!!

Remember this? Saudi Clerics say Mickey Mouse must die. Well,even though my response to that was the standard response of I'm sure most of us, which was WTF?! Well, turned out, the Cleric with the too tight a turban may be on to something after all. Have I gone cuckoo? Gee I don't know, why don't we ask Twitty Bird about that? They're all in Disneyland. Perhaps Walt Disney have some kind of a devil's plot that can turn a mere mortal into Satan, thus bypassing the controversial genetic engineering methods. It's true then, Mickey and the gang,are the "soldiers of Satan", hypnotizing humans at an early age, embedding good seeds for bad deeds. I have to take my hats off to Satan though, for being very....creative.

Here,Take a look at how it's being done.



(Click on to decipher the extent of Mickey's Hypnotism capabilities....)


And that was just one baby. Well, these kids grew up to become some of the prominent figures in history (I didn't say for the good now did I?). I mean,look at what's been happening lately. Mickey and friends had casted their Satanic Spells over politicians around the world. First it was Khir Toyo, our very own former Menteri Besar Selangor who is currently webbed in financial inquiry, here, read it yourself Khir Toyo, entourage went on RM1.7M holiday when MB.

This amount of money spent cannot be non other than the work of Satan and his advocates as wastage is not encouraged in Islam. How else could one explain rebel against the religion's teachings? There's more. There were money spent elsewhere too, the most interesting being the RM1200 spent in Indonesia on welcoming Toyo and his delegates to Indonesia. Teng, the person in charge of the inquiry, would probably have become an overnight hero for the simple question he posted to Toyo's representative during the inquiry,(Mickey was busy shooting a new cartoon sitcom hence forgot to give out directive to Toyo to attend the inquiry), which went something like this "So we welcome ourselves?" (Reported in yesterday's The Star).

So okay, perhaps this phenomenon may be explained as shortcomings on the Mickey Intelligence Unit (what do you expect from a mouse's brain) since he'd probably was plagued by the misconception that Toyo is actually one of Satan's accomplices ,the Toyol..(these bloody mice! They can't even spell "cheese" even if they can sniff em, they should all be sent to Sesame Street), hailing Toyols all over the world to come join them in an International Summit of Evil in Disneyland.

That was then, and perhaps one can brush that off simply as an "intelligence error"; you know the sort CIA came out with - Weapon of Mass Destruction famously abbreviated as the WMD as an excuse to cast an attack upon Iraq. Although, to save face, an Iraqi journalist showed Bush that he was not all that dumb after all, and that the WMD existed, and was finally "uncovered" from the journalist's feet when he threw his shoes at Bush, one for the world I dare say. The only mishap in that little incident was the fact that he missed. Bush must have known how infamous he is, and probably would have started off his day during his presidency, with practicing how to duck from Unidentified Flying Shoes...Unlike Pak Lah, who avowed that "wining the 2004 election" was his best ever achievement in life, managing to duck that shoe was probably Bush's best achievement in the entire 8years career occupying the White House.

And then there's the Illinois Governor, Ron Blagojevich. Check it out. This guy is in the midst of getting convicted with charges of 16 federal felony, and if found guilty, it could well put him away behind bars for the rest of his adult life.

Blagojevich indicted 0n 16 federal felony charges
and here;

Questions in the affair of Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich

(For those interested in finding out more about this, well, some call him mentally challenged, and that was just them being polite. The rest calls him a lunatic.
Complete coverage of Blagojevich )

And amidst all this hoo haass, what is he doing right now? He is, as I'm typing this away, with the whole family having fun in Disneyland. Read below if you think I'm pulling a Maddoff on you.....

Blagojevich goes to Disneyland

He is charged with 16 federal felony and instead of running to the lawyers' office to hire a few, he had instead decided to spend his time with Mickey and friends!!! Wasn't that the mother of all hypnotism!!! It is axiomatic that these astute creatures are the soldiers of Satan. Is Mickey the man or what? Err...I mean the rat..I wonder who else are the Satan's disciples. I guess the dead giveaway would be tracing list of names of who have paid pilgrimage to Disneyland on money from Unidentified Freaking Origin, or UFO.

What can we learn from all these ordeals my friends? I don't know about you but I'm not going to leave any kids in front of the TV with Mickey and gang in it. Second lesson would be, being cautious when naming your child. My daughter's friend's name is Fakhim..(this is by the way one example of how English may have extensive word coverage. This name would sound brilliant in Arabic though). I mean what were his parents thinking about huh? Last but never the least, never vote for a man with funny names because they may turn to be one of those Disney characters' evil disciples. Furthermore, you don't want suicide bombers to come after your kids when the clerics shun them for having any association with Disney Characters. This Disney characters are detrimental to our future generation. As it is, it's bad enough that we have to put up with such characters currently, in our very own parliament....
(the hypnotism ends here)
...Click here to find out how deep the rabbit hole goes.....

Yeaa baybee...I've lost my Mowjow.....

It seems that most of my articles regarding medical stuff incidentally ends up with not the magic three words "I lust/love/loathe you" but three lettered words, s.e.x. What can I say except, hey, sex sells...I mean, ask some of the powerhouse entertainment divas, like Madonna and Britney. If they were to look like a Burger King quarter pounder cheese burger, trust me, Madonna would still be singing about feeling like a virgin, even though her body language in that gondola suggested otherwise, and no one would bother if anyone can see whether Britney is ovulating just by looking underneath her short skirts without that underwear, which by the way is not mission impossible. Besides, who wants to read about "Identifying the pathogens in Acute Gastroentritis"

I mean,if you were to possess buttocks that can instantly change the underwear for the pregnant into a thong, obviously no paparazzi will be tailing you around (can't say the same about Japanese paparazzi though..I hear some of their readers have fetishes....). Basically, sex sells, and stars like Madonna and Britney knows how to "stay on top", by applying this sexual illusions.(sorry, can't help it if I'm puny...or puky to some).

Admit it, even you won't bother reading about them then. I mean, don't need to go far. In Malaysia,(with the exception of Mawi,of which I feel somebody should come up with marketing research for this piece of puzzle) if you are good looking, sexy and fun, you'd go far in our local entertainment biz. Having actual talent would be a bonus indeed.

I just remembered my point, there I go again, going on a tangent. I meant to talk about men's sexual health in connection to riding a bicycle. I'm quite sure it's every man's dream to ride on anything that ticks them, but like women, bicycles too have an agenda of their own.

To be the man is to have his vitality intact, it's the essence of a man apparently. I mean, look at some great names in history that flaunts their manhood - Alfred Hitchcock, Chula-long-corn, DICK Cheney, Shakespeare, MP from Batang Ai, Alexandre Dumas,wait, asses don't count, dumb or otherwise, sorry, my bad. I think you get the point of how important it is a man's sexual health is to him.

Unfortunately, cycling tends to limit men's whatchamacallit, mojo?. (yyeaaaaa baybeey). In fact, they should use the word "mojo" to substitute the "love life" in the title of the article I posted below, because to some, sex and love may have totally separate meaning, (just like, let me see...maybe the certain political party when they screw their own kind in general, by not realizing the consequences of their actions, or in-actions for that matter; nothing personal really, just screw them all for self gain by abusing the NEP, absolutely no feelings involved). Here, read these articles yourself. (No, not regarding umno porn, that one takes a book and a nothing to loose author).
Serious riders, your bicycle may effect you love life
And here's another;
Bicycle Riding

I'm no big fan of "orang tua tua kata", but I suppose the saying "naik basikal lama lama nanti senak", actually did have some truth in it. I use to wonder what "senak" actually meant, well, now I know. It's a kind of an innuendo, you know, the kind used by, say, God when He told us "Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit", when we all no they ate more than just fruits that day...
(Below lies the stuff men and women would like to know, but to shy to ask..)

Currently, as we are speaking, (well,perhaps after they've watched the World Cup 2010 qualifying rounds), scientists are designing the ultimate bicycle seat to enable people like Lance Armstrong ( I wonder if "arms" meant "weapons"?...just a thought...if so, then I would like to rest my case regarding men's name with relation to their manhood), to feel that that broken collar bone is the least of his problem.

Basically, it's to do with the bicycle seat design. Click HERE, to read about a research done by scientists, regarding the the hazards of cycling too long and what is the latest method of improving those seats. Click HERE for the abstract, if you're too lazy to read the whole works.

Turned out, Journal of Sexual Medicine, via research, concluded that the standard protruding nose extended seat design of most bikes in the world had adverse effects on the sexual desires of the one using it.( Honey, when you cut off the blood supply to an organ that needs lots of it to function, how can it not dysfunction, no need harlot mathematician to figure that one out . And I thought the natural vibrations from the bumpy ride is good for the sexual stress for us women.(Hey,I said 'stress' not 'health' pay attention please). I wonder if that was the reason for a police man on a bicycle to be grumpy, either from the genital pain or from the lack of sex as the consequence of the bicycle seats. These clinical trials will resume, until they find the ultimate answer to solve the problem. The good news is however. one thing almost for sure, sexual health departments never run short of volunteers for their clinical trials,paid or unpaid.

I use to cycle on road about 40kms down in Hulu Langat during the weekends. I was the only gal amongst a whole bunch of guys who, even when they know that I'm in the health line, odd enough, never complain about any incidence of "failure to launch" (and I'm not talking about their expensive bicycles). Then again we only cycle less than 100km per week, less than the 3 hours mark. We usually broke our journeys somewhere in between to lepak at the nasi lemak stall in Sg. Chongkak, on the pretext of Carbo loading. So I guess that gave "us" a breather.

A word of caution about Carbo loading though. You only need to carbo load if you're cycling more than 100kms at one go, and when you carbo load throughout the week, make sure you unload that carbohydrate otherwise you'll be Carbo Loaded!! And if you keep that up, the loaded carbohydrate will show on the tummy circumference, next thing you know, you may misdiagnose the inability to visualize an erection as impotent. By the way, be careful when you cycle the Hulu Langat circuit. It's a well known venue for dumping dead bodies. The weekends observes busier traffic, ergo it is safer.

Just in case it escaped your minds, we women too experience the same effect as men, when they have their pedundal arteries pressured by the bicycle seats, (albeit that was not the reason why I stopped cycling, in case someone out there gets funny ideas) but since we are not the gender expected to "rise to the occasion" during a performance, no one would know really, except the particular woman herself. Yes, some women too have problems with erectile dysfunction - how NOT to instigate it in our spouses, when we've had a long day, and I don't mean long in an anatomical sense of it, and the last thing we need is and active mind and an sexually active spouse. If only the scientists can come up with a remote control with a simple "Mommy and Daddy button" as that would really be convenient for the busy women to schedule sex. Speaking of "long" that's one thing I cannot comprehend. Men's race towards a longer penis. It's not like a woman's G spot lies all the way up in her umbilicus. Obviously the cream that claim capable of elongating a male's love cannon is not only pointless, but they bloody don't work too. Most likely you'd end up bearing the cost for the barrel repair instead....

Ah well, if all else fails, there's that wonder pill Viagra. They've even improved the pill's performance by the birth of Chialis. Chialis can make an erection lasts longer, another thing which I cannot decipher...the part where someone needs to get an erection for over a long time. Apart from being a porn artist, or a gigolo, a rapist perhaps, and of course old man who can still get excited without self hazard, what other category of men are there that have all that time for sex?

Women too have our pink pill, but not as establish as the blue brothers. But by the time women lost their interest in sex, they would have been in their pre-menopausal age, of which incidentally, would cause generalized dryness (which explain the dry humour), including the vagina, and they would most likely be prescribed the estrogen cream to combat the vaginal dryness. And this cream, just like the blue pill that was created for other intentions but showed "hard" evidence of assisting penile erection, makes women horny. It's a dream cream. No, not for women, but for their spouses!! I've had patients' husbands thanking me for prescribing that cream to their wives !!

Three cautions though; One, women should not use this cream during intercourse, because the estrogen may be absorbed by the male counter part via contact and men can develop breasts from the estrogen. Then this heterosexual couple may end up having the same confusion as gays probably may have, "who's was it? Was it yours or was it mine? It was too dark honey".....

Secondly, for single women approaching menopause, who gives a shit about a dry vagina anyway, it may as well obliterate like any other part of the underutilized organs,unless of course, you want to "take matters into your own hands", or unless of course, you don't care about the consequence of being stone to death (absence of "d" is with purpose) for fornicating, (ah well, better laid then never), use this cream with caution, as the cancer risk for a woman who have not bore any child is higher than that of a woman who did and this brings me to ; thirdly, and more importantly, long term utilization of the estrogen cream may cause cancer.

As for men, you need to be very extra careful when you consume the pills especially when you have been diagnosed with a heart condition, and the mere thought of excitement can potentially be something not to die for, rather something to die from, as these pills can actually plunge you into a cardiac attack and you may "die hard".

What is the take home message again? Two things men need to be careful when they ride em, women, especially those using the magic cream (with everyone else too), and of course, a bicycle with a nose. It's not worthwhile for men to get a heart disease, because, even Viagra can't help you then.... As for women who regard sex as something they enjoy less than the money coming from their husbands, don't tell your husbands about this article, just get them a conventional bicycle for their birthdays....
(rabbit hole, minus the magic cream, ends here)
...Click here to find out how deep the rabbit hole goes.....

My Earth Hour

Prologue:

It's Earth Hour, and before anyone shun me, this notebook is running on batteries. It's 3 more minutes to go before 9.30pm and soon the lights will be on one by one. I happen to be working tonight, (part time - jalan jalan cari makan) and is paid by the hour. The owner of the clinic, is doing the Smeagol. The Earth Hour poster was posted on the clinic glass door since about a week, but when it comes to money, I guess, people start doubting their loyalty to mother earth.

First she said, switch of all lights, then she said if the patients come by, switch on the light, then the next phone call came, she decided to let the light stay on. By this time, she had succeeded in getting onto my nerves. So I told her, that I'd have my one hour's pay be cut off provided she switch off all lights, and I will see the patients who would are not sick, just dumb enough to wait in the dark to get their , I dunno,pimples treated, when the lights get back on. Of course I'd respond to any emergency cases, err, actual emergency by world standard and not the posh kind of emergency where they wail because they broke their darn nails. To my surprise, or dismay rather, she quickly agreed!! Money always wins it seems.
...............................................................

Anyway, I went back to my house, just within the vicinity and observed the darkness, the moment I drove away from the commercial area. It seems that money is more important than say, making a statement in saving the earth. I wonder where they plan to spend all that money, when the world ends before the prophesied dooms day, in Mars?

As I drove home at precisely 8.32pm, I noticed our clinic was amongst the few shops with the lights cut off. I even told the girls to cut off the lights of the sign board, talk about being overzealous. Unfortunately, the mamak stall was packed with, oh my god, my own people, the proclaimed Khalifahs of the world. It looked like the Puteri UMNO gathering, (which was rather queer since I hardly see them out of the concubine really) with women clad in clothes that ensures they cover what their mama gave them plus the tudung. I dig them. I know why they are not bothered to show support and join the earth hour. I reckon they would have figured that the earth is on it's impending path towards doomsday as scheduled anyway, why bother saving it right? These people obviously did not learn the history of the dinosaur....the extinction part. Didn't those dinosaurs extincted long before dooms day?

Well, we can't pin point our fingers really, to people who do not support the Earth Hour. Most Malaysians don't even bother abiding to the law, what more if it's a mere request for a voluntary action....

Anyway, the scene away from the commercial area was mixed, most lights were out, probably because the occupants were out in that mamak stall, who knows, but it was a beautiful sight to see most of the houses were in darkness. Didn't see any suspicious looking character by the way. No thieves tonight, I wonder if they are having their candles off too.

First there was darkness..........
Then, there shall be light........
Perfect would have been if we were to exchange ghost stories, but my family is one of those bunch who do not believe in ghosts, so we decided to talk about the recent UMNO general assembly instead. Trust me, it's even spookier.......

It got really hilarious until I almost peed, which made me curse myself for forgetting to pee earlier, instead have to scramble my way around in the dark with a candle looking for the bathroom.
By this time it was halfway through and we got bored. So we decided to have a competition, and see who looks spookier in the dark.....Maya Karin would have lost that role in Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam, should we submit this to Suhaimi Baba....(gee.....that explains the smart movies she makes....she's got to B.A qualification)
Contestant #1

Contestant #2Contestant #3 pulled out last minute due to unforeseen circumstances, no, not the Wall Street screw up....some other thing...
AND THE WINNER GOES TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMUAAAHHHHAAAHHHAAAHHAAAAAAAAA....WELLCOME TO EARTHHHHHHHH HOURRRRRRRRRRRRR.........