10 ways to loose weight or exercise without exercising.......

For those who feels exercise is an expletive, but nevertheless wants to loose weight,here are some quick tips.....


1. For women: Wear 3inches high heels and work those calf muscles while walking up to your office, to the cafeteria, back to the parking lot, and so forth.
For men : If you don't mind the public scrutiny, you can also try walking around a 3 inches heels. otherwise, I suggest parking your car some distance away from your office so that you are forced to walk to and fro your car. It would be helpful if you are the absent minded type, so you end up walking to and fro more frequently hence burning those calories and working those calf muscles.

2. Fidget. For Malay women, be brave and defy "orang tua tua kata perempuan yang suka goyang kaki, hanya perempuan sundal" (I'm not joking!!), and fidget whenever you can. We are all whores of the system anyway. Men should not have any problems fidgeting.

3. Have as many sex as you can because sex burn more calories than say, thinking about it. (well, depends on how long the couple takes to "get there". This calorie guesstimation is not applicable in cases of premature ejaculation). Whilst "exercise" is a swear words to many, adding the word "sex" to "exercise" to make it into another word "sexercise" (call it "re-branding"), seem to have the exact opposite effect of an expletive to most people. In fact men become more creative and make songs about sexercise, ergo, burn more calories via the thinking and creative process.

If you are having an affair at the office, your extracurricular activities in the form of "Quickies" would actually help you to burn a lot of calories. A note of caution: I can't say it is true for mental health though.

4. Drink lots of cold water. Not cold until you pee ice, cold. Just cold enough to not aggravate one's tonsils. You see, 2nd law of thermodinamic states that the hot will warm up the cold in order to gain equal temperature by conduction. So, if you drink chilled water, the body will try to warm it up, and it does that by burning calories....Having said that, it's just plain water a.k.a. paipsicola a.k.a ayak kosong.....cold sugared water don't count daaaaaahling....

5. Get involve with, for women, assholes ( a.k.a. a sad excuse for a man); for men, bitches ( and I'm not talking bestiality here). You'll loose more weight faster from a heart break or major headache from emotional roller coaster as compared to fad diets and exercise program. As for gays, since you guys are not into bitches, and getting involved with assholes may have the reverse effect and you may gain weight instead, I'll just say go get your hearts broken if you want to loose them calories.

6. Keep yourselves stressed out. (Hey, I didn't say anything about being healthy, I said loosing calories and working them muscles). Stress can induce gastritis as well as stress polyuria ( increase frequency and amount of urination due to stress). The water loss from frequent urination will contribute to the weight loss. Another way is to drink excessive coffee and tea, as they are natural diuretics and like stress, they cause frequent peeing

7. Wash your car frequently especially during rainy seasons. Do not send it to the car wash establishments. Remember Karate Kid? By the end of the year, not only you have gorgeous muscles to show off, but you'll also subconsciously learn to not be there when someone throws a punch at you.

8. Work in the government sector...no wait...sorry, that is if you want to gain weight, become self induce obesed due to sluggishness and laziness (of course there are exceptional diligent Departments). Let me start with #8 again.

8. Work with the government sector.... The government uses point system. You go to Point A, they will point you to Point B, a lot of pointing going on, ergo you will end up getting kicked around from one department to another, hence, you will loose all that weight from walking. You will also get a facial muscle exercise thrown in from all that cursing.

9. Dance whenever no one's looking. That's what I do anyway. I wonder if they have a hidden camera in that elevator...hmmm...

10. Get involve in politics. The bribery will consume you, like the consumption (or better known as TB or tuberculosis). Like TB, you will loose weight.....Okay...this one is lame. I've ran out of ideas. My life's struggle have been trying to gain weight, so forgive me for the lack of empathy for people to loose weight.

So there you go, shake off them calories subconsciously. Good Luck!!! .....
...Click here to find out how deep the rabbit hole goes.....