Hurry!! Get a Gay Vaccine!!

I feel so gay today...I must have contracted it from the guy who seem very gay this morning.  You know what they say... when you smile, the whole world will smile at you (well, almost the whole world...I'm sure those who just had some botox injected into their faces smile inside their hearts)..and when you are gay, the whole world will be gay with you.

Haven't you heard yet my friends?  Apparently, according to Putrajaya, homosexuality has "symptoms" that can be spread to all.  Quick!! Hurry!! Demand WHO to come up with some kind of vaccination against homosexuality!!  

For those of you who are still  in the dark, and probably need some comical read just after lunch (well, for me, comics are all I can digest after lunch, when most blood supply goes to the intestines, leaving the head to feel snoozy).  Click on 

Putrajaya lists homosexual ‘symptoms’ to prevent spread among schoolchildren

Hmm....I wonder what would be on that list..you know..the list that shows symptoms of homosexuals 1.   Boys and girls who are happy and cheerful especially in the morning.. - A morning ...oops..a morning 

      Gay person ?

2.   Boys and girls who are more interested in Einstein's Theory more than they do the opposite sex, and they 

      group together abiding to the Muslim practice of separating the male and the female?

3.   Boys who wear pink underwear/boxers because their mom bought them from Giant Sale?

4.   Girls who wear boy's uniform or if at home, their brothers clothes that was passed down to them since 

      this saves parents' money to buy her clothes?

5.   Girls who cut their hair short because they had just gotten treatment for lice?

6.   Boys who keep long hair to keep up with the sunnah of Rasullallah...(even Jesus had long hair...although 

      I don't think he was that gay...maybe that was why he was crucified)?

7.   Pakistani / Indian boys in International schools who like to hold each other's hands and call each other

      "Yar"...(means "dear")?

8.   Boys who wear chapstick because they have dermatitis of the lips?

9.   Girls who just can't seem to grow boobs bigger than the obese boys?

10. Boys who plan to vote for Anwar?

Sometimes I think, it is the fault of the people who possess brains and are not afraid to use them, but who instead chose to keep reticent about important issues, that resulted in the brainless people with power got the position to run things by default. 

For starters, Homosexuality is not an infectious disease, unlike rampant bribery.  So, just like eating using the same utensils with HIV carriers will not give you HIV, eating using the same utensils with gays, do not make you a gay.  Nor mingling with gays make you gay.  Some of my most interesting friends are gay and what can I say, I'm still strictly the dick-ly...

And you cannot say "prevent spread of homosexuality"  and also say "homosexuality phenomenon", because "phenomenon" means " : an exceptional, unusual, or abnormal person, thing, or occurrence"
therefore, homosexuality can't have existed via spreading since it need to not spread in order for it to be an exceptional, unusual, abnormal occurrence.  (aiyah..in short..one cannot be called abnormal if majority is abnormal. Then abnormal is normal..obviously it's not infectious).

But if you were to define "phenomenon" as " : a fact or event of scientific interest susceptible to scientific description and explanation"   then maybe you are on to something so start acting like you are on to something, and not like a clueless imbecile.

Oh crap...the guidelines had just came in...

Guidelines tell parents what to look out for in their children

Just read it and I have to say that it solved my slight constipation I had from the lack of vegetables these few days in my diet.....hmm...maybe I'll prescribe this for light reading in the loo for my constipated patient, or for those who are post stroke or post botox and need some facial expression exercises.

Let's see..it was written in the Star:

"Among others, the guidelines warned parents to keep an eye out should their sons start wearing tight-fitting, sleeveless or V-collar shirts or colourful attire to show off their muscular bodies. They should also be wary if the boys had a penchant for carrying big slingbags.

The two organisations that suggested the guidelines were Yayasan Guru Malaysia Berhad and Putrajaya Consultative Council of Parent-Teacher Associations.

According to the guidelines, parents must pay attention to their daughters if they were inclined to only hanging out with their female partners while distancing themselves from other girls.

It was said that such behaviour could be corrected if teachers and counsellors were to intervene."

Wow....so I take it Yayasan Guru Malaysia Bhd and Putrajaya Consultative Counsil of Parent-Teacher Association are the "experts" who came out with the guidelines.  Just one question.  Guide us where?  Towards the Nation of Homosexual free Idiots?  Or make it two questions. Question number 2: Who picked them to be the guide-liner?  Was any scientific/medical advice taken into plan? (Dang, I just thought of the third question).

Obviously our experts had not heard of the term "Metrosexual".  As for the "penchant of carrying big slingbags", my advice to the boy teenagers, do not offer you help carrying mommy's bag for them when they are out shopping.  I can just imagine the torture a metrosexual will go through in the near future when they are out shopping with their mom.

"Girls inclined on hanging out with their female partners while distancing them from other girls". Hmm....So they now prefer girls to hang out with male partners while distancing themselves from other girls...and boys?  So how about a boy or a girl who is a loner.  Should the parents worry too, in case she/he may run the risk of becoming a serial masturbate-r?

So what are the teachers suppose to say to these kids when they intervene to correct the uncorrected?
Let me think of a few things:

1.  "What are you doing hanging out with your girl friend.  Here's a condom. Go hang out with a boy friend  instead.  After all, if girls get pregnant, this will give us a chance to come up with a new set of guidelines and actual work to do"

2.  "Why are you so good looking and buffed up?  You should look more like Cikgu Ali over there. See...his tummy is bulging he probably cannot see his own erection.  Why work for 6 packs when you can have a barrel????  Look, Cikgu Ali is normal and do not have any risk of becoming gay.  (I mean, why should he, he can marry 4...women....now that is NORMAL TAIMS 4)

3.  "What are you doing being so sweet and holding you mommy's bag for her while she's shopping?"

4.  "Hmm....you look contagiously gay today.  Run off to the sick bay today.  Hurry!! Before the other kids contracts homosexuality from you"

5.  "Kid. Why don't you wear something loose and not too tight.  Wear the jubah, better. No one can see what you do in there.  Why you think some women wear jubah?  When girls wear tight clothings, everyone can see any suspicious hand movement underneath.. unlike if they wear the jubah..aiyooo,....common sense lah..common sense"

6.  "I know you have lice girl, but don't cut your hair short and look like a lesbian.  It's better to have lice than to be called a lesbian"

7.  "Just checking.  Are you happy gay or are you homosexual gay today?"

8.   "I don't care if your genes do not transmit genetic code for bigger breasts, please write a letter explaining why are you flat chested, make sure it is in kurang dari 100 patah perkataan"

9.  "Hmm.....you bathed today.  You never bath in the morning. Who have you been hanging out with these past few days???"

10.  "Lips eczema? Show me the doctor's prescription for this vaseline"

I think taxpayers need to come up with "Guidelines on early detection of imbeciles before they escape into our system"

So how do we tackle this problem of homosexuality?

For Muslims:

1.  Learn your Quran and know that there are enough mistakes in the Translation to be weary about punishing another human being for the way they are born, based on something that is faulty.  For the people who are still in the blur..YOU ARE EITHER GAY OR YOU ARE NOT.  There is no such thing as contracting homosexuality

2.  Even if it is said that homosexuals are people who commit "lewdness" or "transgressors", nothing said about punishing them.  You are not going to hell because of their existence, although you may go to hell for harming them, because there is nothing in the Quran that gives anyone the green light to harm homosexuals

3.  Ask yourselves...maybe the reason for anti homosexuality is that it retards the "propagate forth" Islamist agenda?

For non Muslims:

Is homosexuality making you uncomfortable?  Maybe the problem is you handling your uncomfortable feelings.  As for Christians/Jews or any religion that feels it is better to harm another human being just because they were born different, then refer to text for Muslims.

Maybe homosexuality is nature's way of balancing the earth's population.  India, China and Indonesia should encourage homosexuality if so.  Hmm...come to think of it, maybe it is the heterosexual's fault of overproduction that had increase the need for universe to increase homosexual production?

Whatever the answer is, the guideline given by these so called homo experts IS NOT one of them.  We are a nation of compassion and supposedly empathic. We can do better than this no?

By the way, I wrote all these in a jest...so any mistakes, tui phu chi  lorrr...

oh..just thought of something;

Maybe our prejudice is a symptom ...of something...and we may need to take a look at ourselves first, before we make other people's life miserable?

"One-shut-the-feck-up-Day"

I’ve been doing some work at this clinic where the patients are multiracial.  I love my job here. I get to treat especially old folks and kids of all races.  I feel very much at home.

Of course I can speak a little of this and that language, to get my job of history taking done.  We are after all Malaysians and where old folks are concern, I can understand why some of them cannot converse a word of Bahasa Malaysia or English. They belong to the pre-Independence generation.  Some do make an effort to communicate other than their native language. I’m not sure whether “native language” is the politically correct term here as some are even born and bred and they make their wealth here in Malaysia, but still cannot speak a word of our National Language or International language.  Sometimes, in my line of profession, I feel it may be easier to kill someone rather than to be politically correct.

Anyhow, I noticed that there are a few children, who, I would expect them to be able to converse in both Bahasa Malaysia and/or English, since they do hold the Malaysian birth certificate, had failed to do so.  There were a couple of cases where the kid will look at their parents to have my questions translated to them, simple questions like “ada batuk tak?” (any coughing?).   Of course I could have asked “Kat mow?” or “Fasiu mo?” etc, but I would normally ask this when asking old folks who I understand if they cannot communicate in both Bahasa Malaysia or English.  But for a child who was born and bred in Malaysia in this era, I find it disturbing really.  Not in a “why the feck you cannot speak BM when you are born here, how dare you and start flashing the keris” kind of mental disturbance, but more of “how is it possible that we talk about muhibbah all the time and yet we cannot agree on one language to unite us as Malaysian”, kind of mental disturbances.  

I mean, I don’t really care which language it is to be the one language to unite us, but bloody hell, pick one and stick to it shall we not??? If it is up to me, I would choose English as national language, simply because it is a practical language that everyone need to be able to master anyway in order to be able to claim that we are globally competent (unless we are like the Japanese or Chinese from China for instance who can survive without knowing too much of English since they are smart enough to create technologies that forces the world to learn their languages instead…but we can’t even create a car purely from our own generated technology…).  But hey, I may be hanged by …well, whatever we want to call or brand it, I would still say, I will be hanged by egoistic people who are arrogant about a language that had many foreign language at its roots, then later incorporated with more English word that it is in fact fair to say in exaggeration, that “to learn English, one has to learn Bahasa Malaysia”.  But really, at the rate we are going, does this country have the time and room to entertain our egos? 

Vernacular schools.  Now when I say vernacular, I include Sekolah Kebangsaan, as to me, the word “Kebangsaan” implies “bangsa”, which smells “vernacular”.  If we talk so much about  being “muhibbah”, why are we comfortable with these schools.  I sit in a clinic for a couple of hours a day, seeing kids who look at their parents for help in translation when a simple 3 syllable question in National Language was thrown to them, and I can predict where this country will be in the very near future.  Looking at these occurrences, I cannot help but wonder, perhaps the Mayan calendar was in reference to the prophecy of the demise of Malaysia and not the world. 

We talk so much about unity, yet we have no qualms separating our kids from a very young age with the excuse of “wanting good education”.  Good education can come in any languages.  We can work towards creating good education but at the same time not compromising our country’s unity by forcing the people we elect to parliament to dance to our demand. 

But here’s the interesting question for everyone to answer.  If the government are people elected via the process of democracy, then it is safe to say that the actions of members of parliament SHOULD reflect the sentiments of the people almost all the time. (take note the word “almost”).  So why are we not demanding in unity to have a decent “one school”..of course there are a some who are pushing for this, but are in minority…..so small the group that this “one school” cannot be made a reality…..so it is safe to conclude, that majority do not want “one school” to happen. 

I think it is a bit hypocritical for us, the rakyat, to slam the politicians, when we know that the politicians will only dance to the tunes set by majority…they hardly do the right thing, but do the things that get them the votes….  I mean, I’m sure people like Anwar Ibrahim will immediately jump into a pool of charcoal three times a day, if the majority Malaysian wishes for the first black…oops…sorry for being politically incorrect…let me rephrase….If majority of Malaysians wishes for the first Afro-Malay Prime Minister to take office…or if we demand the first woman PM, then perhaps he may finally “come out of the closet”….. but this is all but my assumptions…In a way, we are lucky that the Nigerians inhabiting areas like Ampang and Cheras are not given the right to vote, otherwise, brader Anwar will get a ehem…stiff …competition…(suddenly the words “once you go black you will never turn back” popped into my mind…where on earth did that thought came from….hmm..must have seen it somewhere on the net..but oh, but I digress..). Or perhaps Rosie would probably cut the dosage of the alleged botox she has been taking and will finally have the facial muscle work to her benefit, if we start to demand a more people friendly politicians..(funny how she appears more in the papers hugging old folks etc after 2008….the Pekan Pahang folks also are puzzled by her sudden strong presence in their community after GE2008..again, I digress)

So if we, the rakyat of Malaysia are actually sincere about wanting a muhibbah/united Malaysia not in a propaganda “one Malaysia this and that” manner, but in a sincere and earnest mannerism, then perhaps we should all look within ourselves in honesty, and ask ourselves, are we racial or simply racists and are we going to do something about it to ensure our next generation do not resume this legacy of hypocrisy. 

Should we decide to do something about it, then I guess the first step is to do without vernacular school, again, let me stress that Sekolah Kebangsaan inclusive in the term “vernacular”.  Once we believe in this idea and are willing to work on this, then I guess the next step would be to urge a good education system for all, that is takes into consideration each and every race’s needs to preserve their cultures as part of the entire curriculum aimed towards better education without compromising our unity.

Perhaps, instead of retaining our kids until 3pm in the evening in separate school, (as we are doing so right now, with the Chinese and Indian school finishing around this time, and Sekolah Kebangsaan finishing earlier yet the kids had to attend religious classes that end up finishing ultimately about the same timing), we may retain them in this ONE school, whereby the curriculum includes Chinese, Indian, Malay language studies and the kids of different race are encouraged to take one language that is not their mother tongue to complete the curriculum.  Perhaps the actual lesson we teach our kids by doing this is “to do without the racial ego, and learning in any form is beneficial”. 

I guess, it is quite pointless to talk about Malaysian unity without talking about doing away the vernacular schools.  Otherwise, I fear, the next generation too, will continue to rot in this vicious circle of multiracial distrust.  

To me, if we cannot execute this, and come up with the overdue-d ONE school, then perhaps we should all cease to talk about Malaysian Unity without risking sounding like the biggest hypocrites that may earn us the title "One Hypocrite".  Then perhaps, adding to the celebration of Hari Kemerdekaan, or Hari Malaysia, or who knows, one day we will celebrate One Malaysia Day, to match the other “One this and One that”,  we can add another day of celebration to add on to our laundry days, which what I will coin as  “One shut the feck up Day”.