Words of Wisdom ...or so it seems...


Wednesday, 30 April 2008


I just got off You Tube to catch the interview of Dr Mahathir by BBC. Whatever said and done, you cannot help but admire his guts and the way he handled the bombardments. I smiled to myself wondering how Badawi would handle such situation.



Sunday, 13 April 2008

To romance or to Love Actually, is the question.....

A friend of mine asked me how do I know who is the right guy to marry, how I ended up marrying my husband. He is 40plus, never been married, (he may as well be gay) nor have a relationship that lasted more than 2 years..a toxic bachelor I believe is the general term.

Welcome to my world. I save lives. That's me. I save lives at work.(issuing MCs is kind of saving someone's life - the boss may kill him if he fails to make the deadline without being dead) I save the lives of toxic bachelors and bachelorettes after work. I wonder sometimes, with all the busy schedule, who's going to save mine?

I looked at him and ask him a simple question. " What are you looking for in life ?".
"What do you mean" was the answer, of which I expected. After all, the reason why the world is so screwed up today is because people do not know what they are looking for. I mean, look at George Bush Jr. He thought he knew what he was looking for in Iraq, and look how he's search hobby ended up.

"What are you looking for? Which part of the English you don't comprehend?". My sarcasms are what binds us together in this long platonic friendship. "I don't know...a smart girl who's good looking, and just nice boobs...", at which point I interrupted him,"Vokkkey...I got the picture. What is it about men and boobs anyway? It's no wonder Breast Surgeons drive posh cars and I have problems getting dates...".

I won't bother going into the next 15minutes of our conversation, most of it involved Dolly Parton's assets and my conspiracy theory that my father in law, who I truly adore, died not because of a massive heart attack, but suffocated in the arms of my mom in law's massive....oh..excuse me..I just got carried away, sorry.

Anyway, back to the topic of narration, I ask him,"Are you looking for love and romance, or are you looking for true love to live forever with?" He looked at me like I had just regenerated my hymen and said," Well all of it of course."

I returned him the same look, (we both know he had broken his virginity more frequent than the turnover of a cancer cells. It's amazing how some people can get away with philandering,unlike what they taught us in religious and medical school, I'm beginning to think that there is no god.) , and answered , "It's no wonder you are a toxic bachelor. You live in Bollywood."

The reason love stories exist is because they are surreal and hardly happen to anyone in the real life. So rare that they make it into movies. With such thirst for romance and true love to happen all at once, that is why Love Movies turn out to be Blockbusters. 'That is why, incidentally the movies a made in the first place. Should romance that ended up with a happy ever after, is a common phenomenon, then nobody would want to pay for seats and pop corns to go watch it, just stare out the window into the neighbour's house and watch romance and marriage happening simultaneously.

Come on!! I'm 40plus, formerly married, and I've never experience scenarios like turning my head around and bump into this gorgeous hunk and have the breeze blow through my hair at the exact moment our eyes locked. My hubby and I locked our eyes when I caught him cheating over a monopoly game we all played together at a gathering. The first time I set my eyes on him upon introduction by friends, my first impression was,"Yukh!!.Not my type!!".

Back to this romantic encounter,here's some reality check. I'd probably bump into this gorgeous guy and I'd be looking at him, while he would be busy checking whether his worked out muscles are well toned against the t shirt he was wearing, to even notice me. Even if our eyes locked, he'd probably look away immediately because he'd recognized that I was the doctor who had treated his Clamydia that he had gotten from some wild one night stand with a girl he picked up from Bangsar.(trust me, it had happened before. My love life is ruined because I am a doctor). These my dear friends, are stories of reality. I know. It bites.

So back to my poor toxic bachelor friend, I told him a few simple thing. What is he looking in a relationship? Is he looking for romance? Or is he looking for a lifetime partner?
If he's looking for romance, than,this is the easiest thing to do. Just go on out there as good as blindfolded, and fall in love with love. Get married, then divorce a couple of years down the line. I'm not being a pessimist. Go check the statistics of the rate of divorce hitherto. It's enough to make cupids opt for an early retirement.

But if you're looking for a soul mate, then start looking into her soul, and try to forget her boobs,at least for a while. He or she may not be as good looking as you painted in your imagination, the section in the brain that got you into this trouble in the first place.

I'm not being condescending to the good looking people out there. It'll be great if you could find someone who you like as a person and coincidentally, is good looking. Looks is not important by the way. It's just bonus. I don't know about you, but I've dated good looking guys and wonder, "is that all? come on...there must be something to back up that good looks. My heart can't pump this fast too long. I need something else to sustain this pace"

For me, I'm not looking for perfection. That's because nobody's perfect. I am looking for someone who is perfectly imperfect but perfect for each other. That was how I married my late husband. I saw his soul and he saw mine. Coincidentally, the sex was good too. So I guess, in a way I was truly blessed. Should he be alive today, I'd probably still have lots of fights with him, and lots of making outs after that, but it's only because we love each other very much.

One more thing. The trouble with us is we think we could choose who we love. Love is just love. We can love just about anyone. But when longevity is concern, ask yourself, can we imagine life without that love? That, should be a good start to finding our soul mates.

You must know yourself in order to know what you want in life. If you are looking for a soul mate to settle down with, then start with looking into her soul. Otherwise, ah well, there are plenty of people out there to have romances reinvented over and over, until the right one comes along.

For those of you who have already found your soul mates, be grateful and remind yourself everyday how lucky you are to have such a blessed relationship. It'll help you through the period of feeling like strangling each other, call it temporary insanity. I was lucky to have experienced true love once. Cherish and be grateful of what you have and stop whining about what you don't. You may not get lucky the second time around....

Friday, 11 April 2008

Good Girl Gone Bad, the Non Rihanna version

Picture this.
You have a child who is a genius in Mathematics. You imagined the world would be at her feet.
A couple of years later...........
she still is a mathematics genius, only that she has a different approach to the application of mathematics. She uses, according to her, maths to stimulate her clients head, both heads obviously, while harlot-ing. Got to give her marks for ingenuity though. (I did quite well in maths during my student years, never thought of reciting maths while having sex. And I thought I am the sex goddess...). Well, the poor girl gets media coverage again, but this time for the wrong reasons. I am not going to go into details because, by now, everyone would know intimate details about her.

There are talks about saving her. There are talks amongst Malay students in UK saying she's been charmed. Hmmh...You can send the Malays to the Antarctic and they may still use the black magic excuse, as the reason for the iceberg melting, but that is another story.(err...i meant "us Malays", well, some of us lar..)

It's a lesson for each and everyone of us. Everybody has their own journey in life, that they and only they need to go through it,and at the end of it, learn the lessons. Let's not pass any judgments, Sufia still have a long way to go. She's just 23. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying being a prostitute is right. Even worse if it is by choice. But, although our heart breaks upon hearing the the Sufia story, it could happen to anyone. Given her past, I am not surprised that she ended up prostituting.

Come to think of it, there are many out there who are whores. After all, the definition of a "whore" is "a person who fuck others for money". I could think of a few, for examples; politicians,lawyers, doctors (sadly, there are doctors who took the hypocrite oath instead of Hipocrates Oath. No, putting scopes into human orifices and charging them is not considered as "rape" because patients have to sign a consent form for these procedures), etc..etc..etc...

She gets paid 130 pounds an hour to get fucked. I get fucked by patients' temperaments, who come in and give crap stories, take me for a ride with incoherent symptoms, making me think hard to come up with a diagnosis, only to realize 15minutes too late that they just wanted MC. And I only get RM30 an hour.There are people out there who are philanderers and ended up with a list of STDs. They have one night stands, one night two stands, or whatever other rubbish you can imagine. At least a prostitute is slightly smarter to charge.

We can only hope and pray that someday, Sufia will realize that perhaps charging costly for sex still makes her a genius, but that doesn't make it right. We can only hope that she will get out of it. We can only but pray. In the meantime, there are great lessons to learn from her story; that:-

1. I am not the sex goddess that I thought I am,

2. for those who hate maths, mathematics can turn people on....

3. fucking around is stupid, until you start charging. Then it becomes smart but unethical.

4. A doctor gets less pay than a whore.

5. Do not force your kids to learn maths...especially when you yourself flunked big time and needed your kids to re-live your mathematical dreams. Otherwise your kids will turn to prostitution just to piss you off.

For those who want to learn more, click below:


Monday, 7 April 2008

Signs Without Symptoms....

Sometimes, there are signs that makes you wonder...why? Some make you wonder and smile. Some, wonder and frown. There are a few that makes you wonder, "If I break this signboard to pieces, can I get away with pleading temporary insanity?" These are some of the examples that had captured my attention. You'd probably have seen some of these posted in some of my articles previously. Nevertheless, here they are, collectively.

#1 Is this some kind of a new religion combo? I thought Rumah Methodist belongs to the Christians.
#2 Obviously the doctor running this clinic had not hired a marketing strategist. Perhaps I should keep up with the competitive edge by opening up, Klinic Panickest, across the road. It'll compliment the legend mith of the two shops, "Wee Kian Fatt" and "Soh Kian Wee"...
#3 Talk about confusing consumers with deceptive labeling technique

#4 This is a classic example of the Malaysian sign board. That is why people get lost in our jungles. It's difficult enough to find our way in the city.
#5 My all time favourite sign:
#6 The official UMNO's 13th general assembly. It is very important now, even more so, after the 12the General Election, to stay united and pure.
#7 Ten years ago, this sign would have had a simple meaning. In this millenium, who knows. Looking at where the man's hand is at, it could mean,"Beware of child molesters that look like God fearing men". Actually, they should come up with the same sign board depicting women molesters too. You never know these days.
#8 I found this in Terengganu. I had to bow and pass, like good old malay tradition of passing across someone in politeness, all the way down the stairs.

#9 I came from the time when "back side" was an expletive.
#10 Some people stick to spelling too seriously, literarily!! I can imagine how they'd tell me, "Miss mau buat itu rebonting ka? You punya rambut manyak tebal, manyak bagus punya ubat kite kasi sama lu.."
#11 This is the most irritating signboard I've feasted my eyes upon. How can anyone charge parking on Sundays???!!! I call it the perfect Highway Robbery...

I got a ticket at 8.15am on a Sunday by the way. Unless they come up with "OPS MBMB", I do not have any plans to pay....

# 12 What next? Tongkat Ah Chong? Finally, a business the Chinamen cannot prosper in (so I was told lah..)..

Saturday, 5 April 2008

Where is the Love?

I love listening to music. Who doesn't. The melody soothes my very soul. Even trash rock, if they still call it that by the way, suits my mood when I want to feel destructive and kick some asses. I don't think I could be bitchy to my nurses if I don't listen to Foo Fighters first, for instance. Why I need to be bitchy to my nurses is another story. It's the job description of a boss. I'm not at the clinic to be loved. I'm there to get the job done. Back to the music, I can't say the same about the lyrics though. Let me give you an example;

"It's funny how a man only thinks about the...
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking your...
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your...
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your...

I don't give a...
Keep looking at my...
'Cause it don't mean a thing if you're looking at my...
I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your...
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha "

I mean, what the heck happened to the lyrics that involves the sun shining when you pass by, how you brighten the day with your smile, you make my heart swell, you feel like heaven to touch, I want to hold you so much???

Don't people believe in simple love anymore? Is sex the new perimeter to measuring love?
It doesn't help that the beats are catchy and they go on and on, imbeded in your brain, until you want to sing it. But oh the lyrics!!!

I have this bad habit of talking to myself without realizing that I do that. No darling, schizophrenia is when you hear voices and respond to them. No. I don't hear voices, nice try. And I sing without realizing I sing too. I remember getting into an elevator one day and caught sight of this cute guy giving me a funny gaze,more like a quarter of a smile of sort. I thought for 2 seconds that I may have forgotten to zip my pants,... again, up until I realized half way out of the elevator that I sang the -"I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your... Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha" bit, out loud.

Sigh...the tragedy of modern music. Brilliant and catchy tune, bad literature.

Thursday, 3 April 2008

Welcome to the new luncheon's special, more bull's shit..

Welcome to the new layout. So, okay, Hazidi thinks that it is too feminine. Of course it is. Women almost always get their way, at the end of any argument . It's just a matter of time, or whether the male counterpart realizes it or not, or how long it takes for him to realize it. The sooner the better. That is why the male have a so called feminine side of them. It is a backup excuse in case they can't win a fight. Women will just say, "get in touch with your feminine side" to salvage a male's ego, and the male would take it as a gentle passage out of an argument. Frankly, who wants men to be in touch with their feminine side. The reason why women fancy men is because they are not feminine. Otherwise, we may as well be a lesbians, if we're looking for feminity, and it'll be one "head" less to worry about malfunctioning or misbehaving.

Trust me. Anyone who is and had been married to any woman would know that it is crucial to keep her happy. For instance, try to forget your girlfriend's or wife's birthday for just once. See what happens. Trust me. By the time you get it all sorted out, you'll never forget her birthday again.

Sometimes, we women use subtle approach. This is reserved for men with ego bigger than his love tool, this applies more to Malay and Indian men (I'm referring to the ego part). We make them think they're the boss. We've got the art of making men feel they won the battle, while we silently gleam at our actual victory. What can I say, it is but an art. That is why I guess gay marriages are called "gay". Both partners are happy because none of them are a female and not many arguments involved in ascertaining who wears the pants in the house ( because both do, unless well, when they don't ).

In straight marriages, men wears the pants but we women have the talent to determine the type and color of pants worn, or in some cases, on what day should each pants be worn. Women are cunning creatures and want their way most of the time. That is why I will never be in a lesbian relationship. One fox is just about enough to get a relationship going. Ever heard of the saying,"too many cooks spoils the broth"?

My daughter got this from god knows where, "The men are the head of the household. Women are the neck, we determine which direction the head points towards". It's one of the best kept secret of longevity of marriage. The women makes the men think that they are in charge. As long as men think that, then women can rule insidiously in peace. Otherwise, the marriage will just feel long.

So, why the flowers? I figured we're all old, in almost our "rumah kata pi kubuq kata mai" ages, so flowers are what we will get when we lie six feet under. My daughter disagreed and told me, if that was the case, then I should have gotten stones as my layout. Kids. That is why I do not believe in leaving too much inheritance. I'd like to feel missed as a human being when I lay down under, in a very non Australian manner.

Anyway, I hope to write again pretty soon. Expecting to be busy sometime soon, so don't give up on me, I shall be back.