I mean,if you were to possess buttocks that can instantly change the underwear for the pregnant into a thong, obviously no paparazzi will be tailing you around (can't say the same about Japanese paparazzi though..I hear some of their readers have fetishes....). Basically, sex sells, and stars like Madonna and Britney knows how to "stay on top", by applying this sexual illusions.(sorry, can't help it if I'm puny...or puky to some).
Admit it, even you won't bother reading about them then. I mean, don't need to go far. In Malaysia,(with the exception of Mawi,of which I feel somebody should come up with marketing research for this piece of puzzle) if you are good looking, sexy and fun, you'd go far in our local entertainment biz. Having actual talent would be a bonus indeed.
I just remembered my point, there I go again, going on a tangent. I meant to talk about men's sexual health in connection to riding a bicycle. I'm quite sure it's every man's dream to ride on anything that ticks them, but like women, bicycles too have an agenda of their own.
To be the man is to have his vitality intact, it's the essence of a man apparently. I mean, look at some great names in history that flaunts their manhood - Alfred Hitchcock, Chula-long-corn, DICK Cheney, Shakespeare, MP from Batang Ai, Alexandre Dumas,wait, asses don't count, dumb or otherwise, sorry, my bad. I think you get the point of how important it is a man's sexual health is to him.
Unfortunately, cycling tends to limit men's whatchamacallit, mojo?. (yyeaaaaa baybeey). In fact, they should use the word "mojo" to substitute the "love life" in the title of the article I posted below, because to some, sex and love may have totally separate meaning, (just like, let me see...maybe the certain political party when they screw their own kind in general, by not realizing the consequences of their actions, or in-actions for that matter; nothing personal really, just screw them all for self gain by abusing the NEP, absolutely no feelings involved). Here, read these articles yourself. (No, not regarding umno porn, that one takes a book and a nothing to loose author).
Serious riders, your bicycle may effect you love life
And here's another;
I'm no big fan of "orang tua tua kata", but I suppose the saying "naik basikal lama lama nanti senak", actually did have some truth in it. I use to wonder what "senak" actually meant, well, now I know. It's a kind of an innuendo, you know, the kind used by, say, God when He told us "Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit", when we all no they ate more than just fruits that day...
(Below lies the stuff men and women would like to know, but to shy to ask..)
Currently, as we are speaking, (well,perhaps after they've watched the World Cup 2010 qualifying rounds), scientists are designing the ultimate bicycle seat to enable people like Lance Armstrong ( I wonder if "arms" meant "weapons"?...just a thought...if so, then I would like to rest my case regarding men's name with relation to their manhood), to feel that that broken collar bone is the least of his problem.
Basically, it's to do with the bicycle seat design. Click HERE, to read about a research done by scientists, regarding the the hazards of cycling too long and what is the latest method of improving those seats. Click HERE for the abstract, if you're too lazy to read the whole works.
Turned out, Journal of Sexual Medicine, via research, concluded that the standard protruding nose extended seat design of most bikes in the world had adverse effects on the sexual desires of the one using it.( Honey, when you cut off the blood supply to an organ that needs lots of it to function, how can it not dysfunction, no need harlot mathematician to figure that one out . And I thought the natural vibrations from the bumpy ride is good for the sexual stress for us women.(Hey,I said 'stress' not 'health' pay attention please). I wonder if that was the reason for a police man on a bicycle to be grumpy, either from the genital pain or from the lack of sex as the consequence of the bicycle seats. These clinical trials will resume, until they find the ultimate answer to solve the problem. The good news is however. one thing almost for sure, sexual health departments never run short of volunteers for their clinical trials,paid or unpaid.
I use to cycle on road about 40kms down in Hulu Langat during the weekends. I was the only gal amongst a whole bunch of guys who, even when they know that I'm in the health line, odd enough, never complain about any incidence of "failure to launch" (and I'm not talking about their expensive bicycles). Then again we only cycle less than 100km per week, less than the 3 hours mark. We usually broke our journeys somewhere in between to lepak at the nasi lemak stall in Sg. Chongkak, on the pretext of Carbo loading. So I guess that gave "us" a breather.
A word of caution about Carbo loading though. You only need to carbo load if you're cycling more than 100kms at one go, and when you carbo load throughout the week, make sure you unload that carbohydrate otherwise you'll be Carbo Loaded!! And if you keep that up, the loaded carbohydrate will show on the tummy circumference, next thing you know, you may misdiagnose the inability to visualize an erection as impotent. By the way, be careful when you cycle the Hulu Langat circuit. It's a well known venue for dumping dead bodies. The weekends observes busier traffic, ergo it is safer.
Just in case it escaped your minds, we women too experience the same effect as men, when they have their pedundal arteries pressured by the bicycle seats, (albeit that was not the reason why I stopped cycling, in case someone out there gets funny ideas) but since we are not the gender expected to "rise to the occasion" during a performance, no one would know really, except the particular woman herself. Yes, some women too have problems with erectile dysfunction - how NOT to instigate it in our spouses, when we've had a long day, and I don't mean long in an anatomical sense of it, and the last thing we need is and active mind and an sexually active spouse. If only the scientists can come up with a remote control with a simple "Mommy and Daddy button" as that would really be convenient for the busy women to schedule sex. Speaking of "long" that's one thing I cannot comprehend. Men's race towards a longer penis. It's not like a woman's G spot lies all the way up in her umbilicus. Obviously the cream that claim capable of elongating a male's love cannon is not only pointless, but they bloody don't work too. Most likely you'd end up bearing the cost for the barrel repair instead....
Ah well, if all else fails, there's that wonder pill Viagra. They've even improved the pill's performance by the birth of Chialis. Chialis can make an erection lasts longer, another thing which I cannot decipher...the part where someone needs to get an erection for over a long time. Apart from being a porn artist, or a gigolo, a rapist perhaps, and of course old man who can still get excited without self hazard, what other category of men are there that have all that time for sex?
Women too have our pink pill, but not as establish as the blue brothers. But by the time women lost their interest in sex, they would have been in their pre-menopausal age, of which incidentally, would cause generalized dryness (which explain the dry humour), including the vagina, and they would most likely be prescribed the estrogen cream to combat the vaginal dryness. And this cream, just like the blue pill that was created for other intentions but showed "hard" evidence of assisting penile erection, makes women horny. It's a dream cream. No, not for women, but for their spouses!! I've had patients' husbands thanking me for prescribing that cream to their wives !!
Three cautions though; One, women should not use this cream during intercourse, because the estrogen may be absorbed by the male counter part via contact and men can develop breasts from the estrogen. Then this heterosexual couple may end up having the same confusion as gays probably may have, "who's was it? Was it yours or was it mine? It was too dark honey".....
Secondly, for single women approaching menopause, who gives a shit about a dry vagina anyway, it may as well obliterate like any other part of the underutilized organs,unless of course, you want to "take matters into your own hands", or unless of course, you don't care about the consequence of being stone to death (absence of "d" is with purpose) for fornicating, (ah well, better laid then never), use this cream with caution, as the cancer risk for a woman who have not bore any child is higher than that of a woman who did and this brings me to ; thirdly, and more importantly, long term utilization of the estrogen cream may cause cancer.
As for men, you need to be very extra careful when you consume the pills especially when you have been diagnosed with a heart condition, and the mere thought of excitement can potentially be something not to die for, rather something to die from, as these pills can actually plunge you into a cardiac attack and you may "die hard".
What is the take home message again? Two things men need to be careful when they ride em, women, especially those using the magic cream (with everyone else too), and of course, a bicycle with a nose. It's not worthwhile for men to get a heart disease, because, even Viagra can't help you then.... As for women who regard sex as something they enjoy less than the money coming from their husbands, don't tell your husbands about this article, just get them a conventional bicycle for their birthdays....
(rabbit hole, minus the magic cream, ends here)
...Click here to find out how deep the rabbit hole goes.....