I don't mind fasting, but I seriously hate fasting month when it comes to the traffic jam, and the traffic of obtuse patients coming into the clinic, coming in to test my patience. Hey, I have patients, but not much of patience myself.
Here are some of the top questions you should not ask a Muslim, but especially when she's a chronic eccentric and temperaMENTAL doctor who's having a PMS like 24/7 during the fasting month (Probably due to some metabolic inborn error yet to be diagnosed). But of course, I will maintain my Poker Face, as part of preserving professionalism... ;->
1. Do not ask, "I don't want to break my fast, but can I get MC so I can rest at home".
Bloody hell, please don't get your priority mixed up. Fasting is important, but when you are not well, you are not suppose to fast. Period. So, you're telling me if you have a slight headache that can be alleviated simply by taking some medication, you would rather not do that in order to not break the fast you are told to break when you are not well, and take MC until your headache clears off by natural process? Exactly my point.
2. Do not ask, "Is it okay to put the thermometer in my mouth? Won't it nullify my fast?"
Hmm....you should be grateful you are not some mind reader, particularly at that moment of time. Because if you are, you will hear the answer going on in my brains, and it's really rather nasty. I have a few options, hey, I'm fickle minded, blessed with creativity.
# A. Do you feel satiated if I put this in your mouth?
#B. Would you rather me put it rectally? It's not considered as eating if you're putting something where food comes out from, of course, unless if you enjoy sodomy with a small object, then better not take the risk of nullifying your fast.
#C. Not unless you enjoy giving a blow job to a thermometer?
#D. Do I look like someone who's capable of coming up with statements like "Boobs causes earthquake" or "Crosses causes infidelity"?
#E. All of the above, if there is no patient queue
Actual answer, "What do you think? Do you want me to check you?"
(Click onto rabbit hole for more crap)
3. Ask me, "would inhaling the nebulizer gas for my asthma nullify my fast?"
Rolling my eyeballs up by this time. I would have said, "You need to not die in order to be able to fast"
4. Ask me, "is it okay to put that gel on my ulcer?". Answer in my twisted mind: "It's not KY jelly and your mouth is going to feel numb anyway after applying the Oral Aid, even if you intend to put something else of ecstatic value after applying the gel"
Standard answer: " Ask your ustaz".
5. Ask me, "Can I do pap smear and not nullify my fast". Answer in my mind: "The last normal pap smear warrants a repeat of 2 years after that, and you come during fasting month, which happens once a year to ask me that? I don't know about you, but I don't get excited doing pap smear, fasting or otherwise "
Standard answer: Ask your ustad
6. Ask me, "can take blood to check for dengue? Won't it nullify my fast?"
Answer :" Kindly refer to answer given on question #3.
7. Ask me "Won't checking my breasts/genitals nullify my fast? Maybe I should do it after breaking my fast".
Answer : "Maybe nullify yours if my hands are warm, tender and sensuous in motion while examining them. Maybe you should break fast with me fondling your genitals/breasts, but you have to give me a moment to break my fast with food, which actually satisfies my satiety"
Standard answer: What do you think? I know I won't nullify my fast examining your breasts/genitals. I don't really like milk. I get my calcium from anchovies and calcium tablets.
8. Ask me, "is it okay for you to do a proctoscope on me?" (proctoscope is to insert an iron gadget up the anus to scope ). Answer for team pink, "Why? Has your G-spot migrated to your anus from your vagina?''. Answer for team blue, "Would that give you some kind of orgasm? Do you want to talk about it?"
Standard answer : Ask your ustad.
Sigh....when are people going to grow some reasoning skills?
10:100 It is not for a person to acknowledge except by God's leave. He casts the affliction upon those who do not reason.
Rabbit hole ends here.
...Click here to find out how deep the rabbit hole goes.....