Words of Wisdom ...or so it seems...


Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Driver from Hell....

I hate it when people park their vehicles recklessly. So now, instead of grumbling about it and pondering whether all these grumbles may be a sign of me needing “Anger Management” courses, I’ve decided to take control of my anger. I don’t get mad, I get satisfaction instead. I developed this hobby of writing and distributing reminder notes to these royal pain in the arses. At least I will feel avenged and sleep well at night minus the discontent feeling, like you’ve not passed out motion completely. Okay, bad example, but I think you get what I mean.

Here are some notes which I had left, and plan to leave in the future, that I’d like to share with you. Perhaps you can use them to.

1. (This car was parked onto and slightly into the empty yellow box adjacent to it and on the right side. I had to squeeze into the small space in between two cars. He parked ajar from the wall that was on his left side). I left him this note, "You may now re-park your car into the yellow box as the wall beside you had decided to move away to create some room for you to be able to make a decent parking."

2. "You are parked in the disabled car parking lot. I take it that you are mentally disabled?"

3. "There is a reason for the absence of the yellow box where you are parked. The reason is that it makes you a pain in the ass to others who have to tolerate the inconvenience your reckless parking had caused"

4. "The next time you park your car, try using that thing in between your ears. It saves a lot of headache, namely, others the headache'’

Some of my neighbours, well, not immediate, probably five to six houses away would come all the way to park on my shaded spot (or basically any shaded spot that's empty) right in front of my house. Well, not now after receiving some of my notes. I know, when others talk about “neighbour from hell” they meant their neighbours, but when I talk about “neighbour from hell” I meant I’m the neighbour from hell. I don’t mind my immediate neighbour parking on the curb we share, but 5 houses away…come onnnnnnnnn. It’s not MY problem that you have a problem parking your third car!!!). Here are some of the notes I’ve left and plan to leave in the future, if need be. But I think I’ve developed a ummmmmmm… “reputation”, so I don’t think I will need to leave any more notes in the future (except for the new folks in town) :

These are the notes:

1. I too would like to have my car parked under the shade. It’s the least perk I get from having to pay for the house adjacent to it.

2. My car is allergic to the sun. I would appreciate it if you could leave this shaded spot, in front of my house to me and my immediate neighbour. I suggest you park beneath the cozy shaded spot just outside your house, once your neighbour moves his car elsewhere.

3. I would appreciate it if you would park your car at your immediate neighbour’s curb, 6 houses away from here, because believe it or not, I love to pamper my car too.”

4. I think you may have the house addresses mixed up. You live 4 houses away from here and you had accidentally parked your car on the curb adjacent to my house, where I normally park mine. Kindly be informed

And these are the one I've prepared for the resilient rampant reckless parkers:

1. You are most welcomed to park underneath this tree, should you be willing to share the chore of sweeping the fallen leaves and dead flowers in my garden, coming from this very tree

2. Should you find your car missing, please do not panic. Here is the number of the tow truck service I've hired to vacant this parking spot

3. Caution when parking here. Many have reported seeing monkeys taking air out of the tires. They are suspected to be trained by humans.

4. The leaves and branches of this particular tree, are sharp and they sway vigorously most of the time, therefore they tend to scratch any car parked beneath it. (My car is scratched all over anyway, and it had nothing to do with the tree)
There you go. Collection of my "love notes" to these irritating species. My notes have no "copy right reserved", so feel free to use them on the reckless parkers ( more like it) you encounter daily.

You may say that the spot underneath the tree is public property, and it is not against the law for anyone to park there. I'm sure you are the type to agree that the frogging in politics is okay too huh?

Oh, and I ALWAYS start my notes with “Dear Sir” and end them with a “Thank You”, one has to maintain politeness even when screwing others. So if you are the kind of species who do not care about others' well being when parking your vehicle, and get these type of notes, it may just as well be from me.


Planet of the Monyets said...

I like

"You are parked in the disabled car parking lot. I take it that you are mentally disabled?"

wicked :)

PahNur said...

Always wanted to puncture the tyre of the cars parked on the disabled parking lot. Never did have the guts to do so.