Words of Wisdom ...or so it seems...


Saturday, 20 March 2010

And finally, I give you the Online Islamic Sex Shop....

You know, I never get all this Islam this and Islam that...I don't get International Islamic University (when they offer the same courses as any other Universities), PUSRAWI (Pusat Rawatan Islam) etc, just like I don't get why Samy bothered with that toupe when he was there long enough for people to notice the Benjamin Button effect going on on that scalp of his.

Islam, like most other religion, at it's gist and core, promotes non segregation, unity and so on. So to say that a hospital or a higher learning institutions are built using Islam as a name by itself is a contradiction. It also contradicts the Hippocrates Oath where PUSRAWI is concern..oh..but who cares about Hippocrates and his oath right..he's just an infidel, why should any Muslim listen to him even though that oath makes sense. Oh, again, but wait..I just remembered..nobody abides to the oath anymore..well, almost nobody...

Here, soak it up with this latest Islamic sensation; online or off, this Islamic sex shop tops it all..
Read the article in it's entirety and authenticity as you click on the link below;
Online Islamic Sex Shop Opens for business

First of all, in business, it's location! location ! location ! Amsterdam is a bad choice of location for an Islamic sex shop because you can get better sex just outside the shop across the street for much better bargain.

Besides,....what are they trying to say by putting the word "Islam" at the beginning of the shop? That when you buy from Islamic Sex Shop, you get circumcised dildos?
The excerpt says:
“A condom is better for maximum sexual pleasure because the penis is not withdrawn when orgasm is reached. It’s important in Islam that both men and women reach orgasm. If a woman is not satisfied, she will use impure methods like masturbation or vibrators.

Dammit!! There goes one fine product and if anyone can calculate without using the same calculator used by the IPCC to calculate the predicted meltdown of the Himalayas, then it's simple mathematics to note that women outnumber men in market size and I don't think men could provide a better market than women when it comes to dildos.

Or are the Islamic condoms more righteous than the infidel condoms? The type of condoms that just dissolves the moment the Azan blasts off through the speaker, to encourage the Muslims to leave the sex scene and run to the Masjid instead.

Funny thing about some of the fatwa formers. When it comes to men, suddenly covering up their "heads" seem less important to decreasing humanly lust as compared to covering up the women's heads. It took them some time to agree to the condom. Talk about double standards huh.....Contraception in some parts of the "Islamic" countries, is discouraged in Islam, not that the world need more non bastard halal fundaMENTALists as a result of the propagate forth programme to take over the world by genetic multiplication...

Or perhaps Islamic condoms have that special kurma flavor or can make cum become zam zam?
Perhaps the Muslims can do better than the Christians?

Oh, let me guess, there definitely will be a whip available, Muslims are soooooo into whipping nowadays...they're just looking for excuses to use them, if not creating some.
Excerpt from that article ;
“People are afraid of Viagra; it’s a medicine. In Islam there are herbs which help. Poppy seed oil, pure honey. Scholars recommend these too.”

Hmm...since when scholars go to science school? In Malaysia, our scholars cannot even recognize the ethanol content of tapai, nor locate the "anak bulan" (common, I'm 40 plus and still waiting for these jokers to announce, for once that all this time they spent polishing the mohor besar raja raja, they finally put the taxpayers' money to sponsor those trips to good, that they finally spotted the anak bulan despite the nicolas nimbus as thick as the skull of some of the politicians and religionists), nor can they appreciate that rape is not about the victim, but about the rapist. Imagine how scary it is for them to indulge in issues of genetic engineering, which way to pray when we finally colonize in Mars etc. Why do you think these people stick to safe issues like Inai on hand? There's so much a person's IQ can handle for the day...

So far, all I hear available in this Sex Shop are halal products, but apart from that herb which is that can overcum I mean overcome performance pressure, what other products are there that needed to be halal? Dildos are out, what is there left that one can't find in the 7-11 across the road?

Oh, let me help out by coming out with my very own list. These are the possible merchandise that can be sold in the Islamic Sex Shop world wide....

1. The head cover : Instruction reads : "Wear this and STRICTLY JUST THIS".

Here are some options...after all, to "improve the image of Islam", one have to point out that Islam has choices.
Or perhaps add in a few strands of thread...
This fashion come in three, in case you're up for Russian Roullete with your three wives..inny meeny miney more..
Oh...and the lady in the green burqa gets tonight !!!
Below :
If you're into submissions, then perhaps this burqa may be of help :

2. Miscellaneous stuff; Oh, here are some stuff you can actually buy from an Islamic court auction, which can also be sold in the Islamic Sex Shop :

Whips...hand gloves....wonder if that mask is for 3D visualization...

3. Sexy furniture : If one feels the need to extend their imagination into forbidden places, perhaps they can be a bit adventuress and purchase this champagne seat for fore play. This cannot be haram because technically, both alcohol and grass are products of greens and fruits...ask the vegetarians..they'll tell ya..

4. Lubricants made in Mekah. If their zam zam can allegedly cure all diseases, imagine what their lubricants can do !!!

5. Herbs and all; here's what Malaysians can export to Amsterdam

6. Books on sexual education:

Or books on doa doa; to quote my FB friend (I shall honor his anonymous-ity):

" A list of books in the Islamic Sex Store:
Doa-doa sebelum bersetubuh
Doa-doa semasa bersetubuh
Doa-doa sebelum klimaks
Doa-doa setelah bersetubuh
Doa-doa apabila isteri/suami tahu mengenai persetubuhan anda."

Talk about corpus interrupted....And should erectile dysfunction be the result of such method of love making, (totally expected of course) presumably with your lawful spouse, you may then need the halal herbs suggested by scholars, assuming they work at all. Who says Islam is not enterprising?

7. Sexy Posters : Or if you're a jihadist material, perhaps you can purchase the poster below, post it onto your ceiling so that you can imagine what all that 99 virgins would do to you....

The poster above are for those who finds liberated Muslim women to be orgasmic...A free CD by Neyo, "Miss Independent" is thrown in with each purchase of this poster.

What do I make out of that poster? Well, they are right indeed...The veil IS womens' liberation...liberation from thinking...

8. And last but definitely not least, performance enhancer

You think this is not Islamic? Think again. Look closer and you will see that on the iron rod that is extendable, the scale is printed in Jawi...(where did you think the term "Masuk Jawi" came from eh?)


Monyet King said...

Pah Nur, can you help me get a discount card ? I have a long list of stuff that I want to buy that the Christian sex shops and the Hindu sex shops are not able to provide.

PahNur said...

Waa...Monyet, technically, you're what? King Kong? Long live the King !!

I can get you the discount card for the Islamic Sex Shop..but why settle for less choices when the incumbent Infidel Sex Shops are offering much much more...

Anonymous said...

Puan Sharifah Nur
You are a muslim woman right? enough said.

PahNur said...

Dear Anon, are you a Muslim?
I am a person who embraces Islam, yes, not just by hereditary, but by understanding it too.

What do you mean by "enough said" when you haven't said anything at all. Sorry, I don't do mind reading. What are you trying to say? Please say it....I'll gladly respond :)

Oh btw, if you are very confident with yourself, at least create a fictional name rather than the unimaginative "anon"..sounds do I put it subtly...cowardish?

Anonymous said...

No ma'am, I'm not cowardly. Far from it. Yes I am Muslim to the core and I got here by virtue of another blog.

Ma'am, you admitted to being a Muslim and to understanding the fundamentals of Islam but the content of this particular article in your blog veers in the opposite direction.

You may call me old-fashioned or someone with a tunnel vision. I shall not retaliate, ma'am. I am here just to give my thought as a fellow Muslim.

Puan mempersendakan agama kita dengan coretan dan gambar sedemikian.

That's the total sum of my comment.

Unfortunately, I can't reveal my name because I am a longtime member of Lake Club.


PahNur said...

Dear Anon, who insist he/she/it is far from being a coward,
You wrote, probably in a jest, so I forgive you:

"Puan mempersendakan agama kita dengan coretan dan gambar sedemikian."

Sila beri perhatian terhadap perkataan "Islam" dan "Muslim". Islam, meaning "submission to God" adalah satu cara hidup, a deen, dan "Muslim" adalah gelaran yang diberi kepada pengikut pengikutnya.

Sila baca semula dan lihat, bahawasanya, saya tidak menghina Islam, saya dengan secara sengajanya menghina kaum Muslim. This threat has been used by the autarities for many many, in fact too many years, it is as basi as the tapai yang diiktirafkan tidak haram oleh fatwa walaupun ia mengandungi alcohol yang memabukkan (yeee, sila google "ethanol") that when you insult the Muslims who majority practice secara refleks (the terminology for "reflex" is action that is only at spinal level, like the knee jerk, bypassing the brain cells" It is said so in the Quran, a book that most Muslims have turn into a classic book like those of shakespear ,classic meaning you know it's there, you know it's great, you put it at your highest shelf to collect dust, you kill people who burn it physically, yet, it remains a classic, you know it's there but you haven't finish reading it yet...or reading it at all...or even have plans to read it ....because you are told that reading the quran alone, the satan would be the teacher), it is said that you have insulted Islam.

In the end, most Muslims don't read the Quran themselves except recital which is fine but makes us parrots if we do not decipher the meaning. There are cases, whereby the words of mere mortals overrides the words of God, and yet, we do not find THAT insulting God or Islam.

[Yusufali 25:30] Then the Messenger will say: "O my Lord! Truly my people took this Qur'an for just foolish nonsense."

And we end up following the majority, perhaps following human nature of grasping the sense of belonging and insist it's "Islam"....anyone insulting that, is branded as automatically insulting Islam.

[Yusufali 6:116] Wert thou to follow the common run of those on earth, they will lead thee away from the way of Allah. They follow nothing but conjecture: they do nothing but lie."

This is how Muslims auto-screw ourselves because when we are not able to accept criticism, how will we realize that we are making mistakes and without realizing we are making mistakes, how on earth are we going to improve? We don't need the infidels to "destroy" and "smear" Islam, we are doing a good job ourselves. Anyone who have completed at least once the translation of the Quran, would immediately notice this!!!

Why do you think the autarities are restless with people reading the translation of the Quran themselves, without their "guindance"?

[Yusufali 3:7] He it is Who has sent down to thee the Book: In it are verses basic or fundamental (of established meaning); they are the foundation of the Book: others are allegorical. But those in whose hearts is perversity follow the part thereof that is allegorical, seeking discord, and searching for its hidden meanings, but no one knows its hidden meanings except Allah. And those who are firmly grounded in knowledge say: "We believe in the Book; the whole of it is from our Lord:" and none will grasp the Message except men of understanding.

Yes, one needs guidance when one does not understand something, especially the allegorical bits, but, we are not imbeciles not to understand the whole literal meaning in the Quran!!!

PahNur said...

Read what I wrote again and take note that my problem lies not with the teaching of Islam, but on the dirty habit of the Muslim capitalizing on the word "Islam" which i find ironic that nobody dare step forward to point this out.

Then again, if you read the true history of how Islam was even before Muhammad was successfully buried, you will note that the religion itself was spread based on capitalizing "Islam" , so why be surprised right?

Seriously, what is so great about Islamic sex shop when you can get better stuff at an infidel's just to get the muslims to use their product, like Ubat Gigi Zaitun, gunakan tanpa was was...

[Yusufali 16:116] But say not - for any false thing that your tongues may put forth,- "This is lawful, and this is forbidden," so as to ascribe false things to Allah. For those who ascribe false things to Allah, will never prosper.

Dear Lake Club Member, you wrote:

"You may call me old-fashioned or someone with a tunnel vision. I shall not retaliate, ma'am. I am here just to give my thought as a fellow Muslim".

I'm not calling you that, but if you insist you are, i do not find any evidence to rebuke that fact. Your lack of imagination and the inability to detect satire confirms that. Then again, sense of humor is as haram as music right?

Treating women like crap, like stoning to death a rape victim for failure of producing 4 witnesses apparently is not seen as insulting Islam, but capitalizing on it is okay it seems.

If pointing out the obvious is considered as insulting Islam, and turning one's back on the Quran is not, I think it's high time the Muslims take a look at the definition of "insulting".

"Ma'am, you admitted to being a Muslim and to understanding the fundamentals of Islam but the content of this particular article in your blog veers in the opposite direction."

How about your statement "Unfortunately, I can't reveal my name because I am a longtime member of Lake Club.", it has gone way off the opposite direction to your earlier statement, "No ma'am, I'm not cowardly. Far from it"...:-)

I have produced a couple of Quran verses to back up my case, I think that's fundamental enough...why don't you enlighten me with some verses to back up your argument...again, please be clear on the term "insulting Muslims" and "Insulting Islam"...

Anonymous said...


Ma'am, rightly or wrongly, I have done my part as a concerned Muslim. My apologies if my thinking is not liberal enough. No, I am not in the habit of spouting Quranic verses, sorry.

Have a good day.

PahNur said...

Dear Anon..

Thank you for your "part as a concern Muslim". If you are concern about the Muslims,then I'm confident that you will pass the word around that to be fundamental is to be liberal. A liberated mind comes from reading the Quran, not just reciting like a parrot, but really comprehending it.

Perhaps by doing so, we all will be less embarrass by the trivial matters, instead totally embarrass with the huge picture we are living in now...and hopefully, do something about it.

Proclaim! (or Read!): In the Name of thy Lord who created, who created Man of a blood-clot. Recite: And thy Lord is the Most Generous,who taught by the Pen, taught Man that he knew not. No indeed; surely Man waxes insolent, for he thinks himself self-sufficient.Surely unto thy Lord is the Returning."(Al Alaq 1-7)
Oh, by the way, here's an interesting surah to ponder...

[6:38]".... Nothing have we omitted from the Book...."

Dear Anon; you wrote

"No, I am not in the habit of spouting Quranic verses, sorry."

I'm sorry too :-(

Salam :)