I finally watched “Sumo Lah”. The original VCD of course. I can’t bear the thought of being partly responsible for killing the local film industry, enough killings done at work, in the hospital…
My review? It is brilliant. It’s got all the essential elements of a well balanced movie. Comedy, suspense, happiness, sadness (although no dead elephants involved), all orchestrated for the audience to be gifted with good take home messages. It is very entertaining and educational. What is missing however is the audience response, as shown by the total turn up at the cinema while it was running for hardly a week.
The movie portrays a lot of Japanese culture. Practices like "Nokotta", means "win or loose, nothing is ascertain until it is, and one has to fight till the end". It also portrays negative aspects of the Malays, the laid back, not wanting to improve attitude for one. Perhaps this had offended many Malays. We do not like to have the obvious stated, point blank at our faces.
Take the book from Tun Mahathir, "The Malay Dilemma" for example. When the book was first published, it was banned. It is a well known fact that most Malays do not like to be told of their shortcomings. We like to live in this bubble and tend to shun anyone who burst it. Which is sad really. Because, for one to improve and move forward in life, he must first realise his shortcommings, no matter how painful the truth appears to be. Without self realization, without admitting to your own inner self, that something is lacking, then there is no way he would think of a way of improving,let alone moving forward.
The Japanese are so very much advanced in technology, yet they still preserve certain moral, integrity and self respect as way of life. Why can't we take the good values of any civilization and make it our own, instead of be arrogant of our deficiencies??
"Sumo Lah" is just about as intellectually entertaining movie as any movie can get and realistic too. Afdlin Shauky actually took the initiative to take the cast to Japan and document the actual Sumo warriors practicing( the suspense aspect of the movie, everyone suspen when the Sumo fighters' big pampers were going to fall!!) . I just don't get it!! If our people can spend hours watching wrestling till late morning, at the kedai kopi, even when knowing that everything was a big act, why can't they appreciate Sumo, and more importantly,the values that comes along with it?
Failure of this movie in cinemas most likely have to do with the Malay preferences,indirectly, revealing our mentality. There are Malays out there, who would cut queue in traffic jam and probably double park, not caring if fine was imposed, long as they get to catch, in time, movies like " Cinta antara dua benua" or "Hingga Hujung Nyawa" or "Gerak Khas, the Movie". I do not mean to sound condescending, but in some of our local movies,why is it that even in the beaming brain-sizzling hot KL sun, a private investigator or the bad guys will always wear leather jacket (and dark shades even when the scene extended into the night time) ??? For God's sakes its hardly below 35degrees celcius under the malaysian sun, loose those insulating attire!!! Have you seen an actual undercover cop, or a bad guy? The last thing they would want to do is to attract attention by dressing like Mr Bean!!!
Our audience must be pretty tolerant because I would not tolerate it if the movie makers think I have intelligence size of a peanut. In fact, I would feel offended, people undermining my IQ.
I guess, Afdlin made two big mistakes, for this movie to become a success:
No 1, the delay that was inconveniently close to "Spider Man 3". You know Malaysians would rather see the Mat Salleh rather than any Asians wear cawat (Its a mental block thingy). Then came "Shrek 3", "Fantastic Four" , all the blockbuster movies. Man it is career suicide.
No 2, he was just born too early for his time. My daughter loves the movie, she's twelve. Perhaps, Afdlin's movies would be appreciated when he's dead. That is what we do to our artists. Wait for them to die then appreciate them. P. Ramlee was "Peeeeeyyyyyy daaaa" Ramlee towards the end of his life, and he died in a sad state of isolation from society. It was more than a decade later, the mentality of the society finally caught up with his brilliance. If I were the late P. Ramlee, I would tell everyone to shove the Tan Sri title up their arses. What good is it to be appreciated when you are not aware of the appreciation.
It is so sad that Malays like to watch love stories, ghost stories, stories that has little relevance to human developement. It is sad that, because of market demands, film maker do not want to not profit big by continuing to produce love stories, ghost stories. It is worrying to realise that my people are just interested in only love stories Even the ghost stories have to have love stories in them. ( should call it Cinta antara dua Hantu).
The same goes to our writings. The other day, I was at the shop looking for a Malay Novel for my daughter, to improve her Bahasa Malaysia. All I could find were novels with title like, "Cinta di hujung Benua", "Antara Kau dan Aku", " Ku relakan perpisahan ini" and I have to stop here because as I am typing this, I could feel my dinner about to gush out through my throat. In the end, I walked out with " Lots of Lat".
It is sad that Afdlin did not get his box office response, that I feel he deserved. But it is more sad, to realise that although there is improvement in the intellectuality of my people (the minority) , the malaise, i mean the Malays, there is still a long way to go for the majority to catch up with the minority. We have a long way to go. Being arrogant and obstinately resillient towards mental devopement isn't going to get us anywhere.
I would like to say "Nokotta!!" to Afdlin Shauky, Yasmin Ahmad and a handful more, for their courage to change the Malay mentality through their creativity , even though by doing so, they create a lot of controversy, hence put their career at risk. To my eyes, they are already Tan Sri-s. I hope they will know it before they leave us for good, physically I meant....
Friday, 20 July 2007
Saturday, 14 July 2007
Till death do us part
If any one of you have seen the ER gazette on television, some may have recalled the scene where an old man bended down towards his wife,( probably around the same age), and kissed her while she lay there dead on the hospital bed. That scene almost always hit my tear gland, causing my vision to blur with tears .
Its probably the only scene besides the famous Hindi movie where the son runs in the rain, soaking wet with medication he afford to purchase by selling his soul to the bad guys, only to find himself 6minutes late and the mother had already died,that have managed to make me cry a river, over and over.. I mean,whoever Murphy was, his law applies to almost all Hindi movies. If anything could go wrong,.... or not, it definitely will, in these Bollywood masterpieces...
No wait, i think "hati mere sattee" stole the limelight...the whole theatre violently cried over the death of an elephant...i mean, how gripping is that?!! Here we are, turning the pages of any of our local newspaper casually giving light comments on people dying in Iraq,Africa and of course Palestine, or small little children being slaughtered by their own parents as we have gotten so immuned to that, we hardly so much as grimaced. And all of a sudden, we cry and sob over a dead elephant on a hollywood movie rerun.....Yes, my dear friends.. Tears of mixed emotions, that's what I am talking about.
For those of you who do not know what ER series are all about, please come back to earth. It’s the medical drama series that earned the most awards, ever to run on history of television. You know...ER? George Clooney? Hello people…how can anyone not know him...voted sexiest man in the world, and probably the whole galaxy,( since the Extra Terestrials do not cut it as sexy...)for two consequetive years..Come on!! Is there any woman or gay on earth ( or galaxy gays )who do not know who this guy is and what television drama he acted in? I repeat, its ER...
Anyway, back to the original topic, sorry, George Clooney always have this effect on me…I get very side tracked. That scene got me thinking,(no..not the scene of the dead elephant...the old couple lar...) about my parents. They’re in their early 70s now. Although sometimes, looking at the way they squabble with each other, one may think twice, or perhaps more than that, before committing to a marriage. Two old people arguing about who snores louder isn't exactly what I have in mind of a "and they live happilly ever after" marriage
And yet, it tickles me at times at the magnitude of arguments. It is like they are done with the major conflicts and arguments, done with the "periuk belanga terbang melayang layang...", the "hantar saya balik rumah mak saya abang..sob..sob.." , dramas, throughout their marriage, and that what’s left to argue about are the little things that to people surrounding them, deem totally insignificant.
The most frequent source of dispute is the lack of hearing, on both parties. I mean, for example, my father would tell my mother, “Sani jemput kita, kenduri kawin anak dia kat Jalan Ampang...", and my mom would scold my dad, "siapa kata anak Sani tak kawin dapat anak gampang, mengarut je orang tua ni?" . Then the argument would start. It doesn't help that my father talks like he's chewing some sirih, most of the time, he mumbles. I think, that is partly the reason all four of his children are quite good in cross word puzzles. We had good training early in life ,picking up pieces of letters and making them into sentences.
Another source of dispute would be the battle of the bad memory. One insists the other is senile, when in actual fact, both are....The worst fight would be the combination of both senility and hard of hearing. For example,when they forgot something they heard wrongly in the first place. What started of with a simple misunderstanding, escalated into a full blast argument, and without fail, the other unresolved non relevant isssues will pop up as well. In the end, they ended up arguing about what they were unable to settle last month when one of them walk off the room , plus the new issue at hand. So you can calculate that the future argument, should one of them walk out of the room again, would comprise of the new issue, plus the issue they just argued yesterday and the ones unsettled before. That is when the children leave the room.
One the other hand, in a way, it is God's blessing in disguise that the human looses their hearing ability to aging process. We all know how sensitive we human can get as we grow older. So actually, the less things we hear, or perhaps if we hear them wrongly, the less hurt we may hurt us too.
Notice this phenomena I'm about to uncover amongst your parents?. They would sit in the same car or space, not talking to each other for what seem like hours, but passing glances that seem like they are transfering some secret information to one another. I mean, sometimes I do not talk to the workers coming for FOMEMA medical check up, whereby I do not really bother having any form of convesation with them, while performing my examinations. But that is different because there is no point talking to someone who cannot comprehend any language spoken by any race in Malaysia. And even if I do, most of them would lie anyway.(Just like what Dr House would say...) I have had an Indonesian house maid who denied strongly that she was coughing at all, when her chest X-Ray clearly showed her lungs was rotting away from Tuberculosis. Is there any point of talking to them in the first place? Exactly. Pointless. With all this language barrier going on between the employer and employee, it is no wonder that most of our buildings have a history of falling apart. The workers probably misunderstood the employers' instructions and ended up putting more sand than cement into the recipe for erecting a building. So the contractors would claim when asked by Karam Singh Wallia.
Do you notice that? The telephatic info transfer I mean..You wonder sometimes, whether they are bitching about you, or perhaps having an argument with each other again, in their subconscious minds. My parents use to converse by spelling jawi in a very fast manner. I remember it use to be frustrating to all of us. My dad would spell very fast,"jim nga nun ba alip gha yaaa dal yaaa alip pa raw ga yaaa" ( it spells "jangan bagi dia pergi , or "don't let her go") very fast when I ask my mom,"Ummi, boleh keluar tengok wayang dengan kawan tak?" ("mom, may I go out with my friends to go to the movies?"). What is worse was that they would have that smug expression on their faces when they knew that these fast spellings communications annoyed us. That explains why all four of us know fairly well how to write and read in jawi. Talk about parents' way of building childrens' communication skills.
I have to admit though. Looking at my parents, I wonder what makes a marriage go the distance. There were ups and by God there were downs. But somehow rather, no matter how tough the going gets, the tough will get going and they will stick by each other even more closer than before. It gives us, the children a sense of security. Maybe that is why despite my many disheartments, I still remain optimistic about the possibility of a perfect marriage. It has to be perfectly imperfect with both parties having the highest level of tolerance and love most of the times.
What is it about the elder generation that the younger generation lack in a relationship? What did you say? The women were more tolerant towards the husbands' nonsense? Partly true I guess. The ladies of this millenium earn money just like the male counterpart. No more Mr Caveman slamming the deer he had just hunted onto the dinner table. So less dependency means more chances of not dying of hunger should she decide to wave her middle finger onto the husband's face.
Its a matter of choice I suppose. When two people have decided to stick together through thick or thin, it is a choice that they have made to live up to the vows. Perhaps its about loyalty. You choose to be and stay loyal to your spouse. You muster the strength to not up and leave your partner when he is blinded by midlife crisis, or pre menstrual stress, or menopausal crisis or debelitating diseases. For better or for worse. Really, it is about making the right choices and sticking by them. (women by statistics tend to stand by for worse and the male, for the better. Malay men obviously are the champions of all champions. Most of the time they will start looking for replacement at the onset of the worse.)
Patience, knowing when to remind yourself of the love and the good times especially when you think you have fallen out of love due to emotional turmoil.
Time. You need to spend time to rediscover each other. When we were young, our parents use to sneak off, leaving us with someone to babysit. We were quite dissatisfied when left at home, unable to follow our parents. The next thing we need is another baby to bring down our hierachy in the quest for seeking the most attention . Hitherto, my parents would still go out on a date, just the two of them. They'd probably come back with an argument,(most of the time it would be my dad getting lost on KL roads, refusing to take directions from my mom...what is it about men and their ego on taking directions especially from women...then again, it took Adam 40years to find Eve..its possibly genetics then..) but when later that night, when no noise seemed to be coming from their room, we'd know things are still cool between them. We use to enjoy teasing our mom when she gets up and wash her hair the next morning.
I guess, to the elder generation, the saying "Sehidup semati" really applies unlike the later generation whereby, "sehidup semati" could actually mean "se hidup, se lagi mati" ("se" in Kelantan dialect means "one" )..Looking at my parents today, I finally figured out why, despite my many heartbreaks of attempting to rebuild my life and in search for a new life partner, no matter how jaded I get, my glimpse of my parents life would be enough to convert me back to an eternal optimist of love and marriage......Till death do us part.....
Its probably the only scene besides the famous Hindi movie where the son runs in the rain, soaking wet with medication he afford to purchase by selling his soul to the bad guys, only to find himself 6minutes late and the mother had already died,that have managed to make me cry a river, over and over.. I mean,whoever Murphy was, his law applies to almost all Hindi movies. If anything could go wrong,.... or not, it definitely will, in these Bollywood masterpieces...
No wait, i think "hati mere sattee" stole the limelight...the whole theatre violently cried over the death of an elephant...i mean, how gripping is that?!! Here we are, turning the pages of any of our local newspaper casually giving light comments on people dying in Iraq,Africa and of course Palestine, or small little children being slaughtered by their own parents as we have gotten so immuned to that, we hardly so much as grimaced. And all of a sudden, we cry and sob over a dead elephant on a hollywood movie rerun.....Yes, my dear friends.. Tears of mixed emotions, that's what I am talking about.
For those of you who do not know what ER series are all about, please come back to earth. It’s the medical drama series that earned the most awards, ever to run on history of television. You know...ER? George Clooney? Hello people…how can anyone not know him...voted sexiest man in the world, and probably the whole galaxy,( since the Extra Terestrials do not cut it as sexy...)for two consequetive years..Come on!! Is there any woman or gay on earth ( or galaxy gays )who do not know who this guy is and what television drama he acted in? I repeat, its ER...
Anyway, back to the original topic, sorry, George Clooney always have this effect on me…I get very side tracked. That scene got me thinking,(no..not the scene of the dead elephant...the old couple lar...) about my parents. They’re in their early 70s now. Although sometimes, looking at the way they squabble with each other, one may think twice, or perhaps more than that, before committing to a marriage. Two old people arguing about who snores louder isn't exactly what I have in mind of a "and they live happilly ever after" marriage
And yet, it tickles me at times at the magnitude of arguments. It is like they are done with the major conflicts and arguments, done with the "periuk belanga terbang melayang layang...", the "hantar saya balik rumah mak saya abang..sob..sob.." , dramas, throughout their marriage, and that what’s left to argue about are the little things that to people surrounding them, deem totally insignificant.
The most frequent source of dispute is the lack of hearing, on both parties. I mean, for example, my father would tell my mother, “Sani jemput kita, kenduri kawin anak dia kat Jalan Ampang...", and my mom would scold my dad, "siapa kata anak Sani tak kawin dapat anak gampang, mengarut je orang tua ni?" . Then the argument would start. It doesn't help that my father talks like he's chewing some sirih, most of the time, he mumbles. I think, that is partly the reason all four of his children are quite good in cross word puzzles. We had good training early in life ,picking up pieces of letters and making them into sentences.
Another source of dispute would be the battle of the bad memory. One insists the other is senile, when in actual fact, both are....The worst fight would be the combination of both senility and hard of hearing. For example,when they forgot something they heard wrongly in the first place. What started of with a simple misunderstanding, escalated into a full blast argument, and without fail, the other unresolved non relevant isssues will pop up as well. In the end, they ended up arguing about what they were unable to settle last month when one of them walk off the room , plus the new issue at hand. So you can calculate that the future argument, should one of them walk out of the room again, would comprise of the new issue, plus the issue they just argued yesterday and the ones unsettled before. That is when the children leave the room.
One the other hand, in a way, it is God's blessing in disguise that the human looses their hearing ability to aging process. We all know how sensitive we human can get as we grow older. So actually, the less things we hear, or perhaps if we hear them wrongly, the less hurt we may hurt us too.
Notice this phenomena I'm about to uncover amongst your parents?. They would sit in the same car or space, not talking to each other for what seem like hours, but passing glances that seem like they are transfering some secret information to one another. I mean, sometimes I do not talk to the workers coming for FOMEMA medical check up, whereby I do not really bother having any form of convesation with them, while performing my examinations. But that is different because there is no point talking to someone who cannot comprehend any language spoken by any race in Malaysia. And even if I do, most of them would lie anyway.(Just like what Dr House would say...) I have had an Indonesian house maid who denied strongly that she was coughing at all, when her chest X-Ray clearly showed her lungs was rotting away from Tuberculosis. Is there any point of talking to them in the first place? Exactly. Pointless. With all this language barrier going on between the employer and employee, it is no wonder that most of our buildings have a history of falling apart. The workers probably misunderstood the employers' instructions and ended up putting more sand than cement into the recipe for erecting a building. So the contractors would claim when asked by Karam Singh Wallia.
Do you notice that? The telephatic info transfer I mean..You wonder sometimes, whether they are bitching about you, or perhaps having an argument with each other again, in their subconscious minds. My parents use to converse by spelling jawi in a very fast manner. I remember it use to be frustrating to all of us. My dad would spell very fast,"jim nga nun ba alip gha yaaa dal yaaa alip pa raw ga yaaa" ( it spells "jangan bagi dia pergi , or "don't let her go") very fast when I ask my mom,"Ummi, boleh keluar tengok wayang dengan kawan tak?" ("mom, may I go out with my friends to go to the movies?"). What is worse was that they would have that smug expression on their faces when they knew that these fast spellings communications annoyed us. That explains why all four of us know fairly well how to write and read in jawi. Talk about parents' way of building childrens' communication skills.
I have to admit though. Looking at my parents, I wonder what makes a marriage go the distance. There were ups and by God there were downs. But somehow rather, no matter how tough the going gets, the tough will get going and they will stick by each other even more closer than before. It gives us, the children a sense of security. Maybe that is why despite my many disheartments, I still remain optimistic about the possibility of a perfect marriage. It has to be perfectly imperfect with both parties having the highest level of tolerance and love most of the times.
What is it about the elder generation that the younger generation lack in a relationship? What did you say? The women were more tolerant towards the husbands' nonsense? Partly true I guess. The ladies of this millenium earn money just like the male counterpart. No more Mr Caveman slamming the deer he had just hunted onto the dinner table. So less dependency means more chances of not dying of hunger should she decide to wave her middle finger onto the husband's face.
Its a matter of choice I suppose. When two people have decided to stick together through thick or thin, it is a choice that they have made to live up to the vows. Perhaps its about loyalty. You choose to be and stay loyal to your spouse. You muster the strength to not up and leave your partner when he is blinded by midlife crisis, or pre menstrual stress, or menopausal crisis or debelitating diseases. For better or for worse. Really, it is about making the right choices and sticking by them. (women by statistics tend to stand by for worse and the male, for the better. Malay men obviously are the champions of all champions. Most of the time they will start looking for replacement at the onset of the worse.)
Patience, knowing when to remind yourself of the love and the good times especially when you think you have fallen out of love due to emotional turmoil.
Time. You need to spend time to rediscover each other. When we were young, our parents use to sneak off, leaving us with someone to babysit. We were quite dissatisfied when left at home, unable to follow our parents. The next thing we need is another baby to bring down our hierachy in the quest for seeking the most attention . Hitherto, my parents would still go out on a date, just the two of them. They'd probably come back with an argument,(most of the time it would be my dad getting lost on KL roads, refusing to take directions from my mom...what is it about men and their ego on taking directions especially from women...then again, it took Adam 40years to find Eve..its possibly genetics then..) but when later that night, when no noise seemed to be coming from their room, we'd know things are still cool between them. We use to enjoy teasing our mom when she gets up and wash her hair the next morning.
I guess, to the elder generation, the saying "Sehidup semati" really applies unlike the later generation whereby, "sehidup semati" could actually mean "se hidup, se lagi mati" ("se" in Kelantan dialect means "one" )..Looking at my parents today, I finally figured out why, despite my many heartbreaks of attempting to rebuild my life and in search for a new life partner, no matter how jaded I get, my glimpse of my parents life would be enough to convert me back to an eternal optimist of love and marriage......Till death do us part.....
Tuesday, 10 July 2007
Wild Sex on 070707
I've always wanted to re-marry on dates like 20022002,or 20042004 or 070707, but so far, for the past 7 years, I kept missing it, on the marriage part I meant.( Then again,I'm still having problem of getting someone to marry me on any date) So, recently, on 070707,yet, another significant date missing my life's history, whilst many others , just like me, didn't mind the cliche of getting hitched on these kind of dates, I found myself doing something significant on 070707. I was alone on the couch, in front of the television, with junk food keeping me company, watching ....porn. I must say, it was quite a refreshing experience, although I did not get turned on by any one of those sexual acts. It was a relieve because, at least on 070707, I found out for sure, that I am not into bestiality.( can you blame me for even wondering, some of the men I've dated so far can behave no better than the animals...)
They were showing this marvelous documentary titled "Wild Sex" on Discovery Channel, only it is documented sex of various types of animals, very classy, unlike those produced by MAS crew on their days off.. Apart from self discovery that I still prefer to have sex with the homo sapiens species,the male gender specifically, despite the bull shit that comes along with it, I was awed by the diversity of sexual habits of the non homo sapiens. I mean, if you ask me, I'd say they're truly living their lives, having a sex gala!!! They really understood the meaning of "make love not war", unlike us dumb humans.
They showed the Hydras species, that had corpulation, whilst linking from one to the other, forming a kind of a circle. Leave human syncronize swimming aside, and lets talk about great well coordinated orgies!!
And do you know how snails produce this "dart" , which they prick each other with ,so that the surface of sperm entrance from male to female increases, increasing the probability of producing off springs. Talk about "love hurts"..They have this sensuos way of necking each other, for what seemed to be hours,(then again, they are after all, snails,) and the slow gestures was quite intriguing to watch. The camera man must have had experience in capturing beautiful karma-sutra like postures because the whole act looked very arty indeed.
Unlike us humans, however,we tend to prick our partner's heart, perhaps not physically, but emotionally by uttering the most hurting comments when making love, or perhaps in the aftermath. One of the most famous remark post love making, so I was told , by many Asian women who ended up depressed in my clinic,would be,
" Hurry!! Tissue!! Tissue!! Tissue!!" . It's bad enough that one had forgotten to say "please" when asking for a tissue, he had to ask for it immediately after love making, ( I mean why can't Asian men be like the French, who utter "mon cherie" words after love making, not that any one of us know that advanced a french, although the male may be just asking for tissue too, but oh! It sounds so romantic when spoken in french,"mon cherie,....tissue sil vous plait.."), these men had to repeat the word "tissue" three times all in one go, like they are in a race with the flowing towards gravity,frustrated looser sperms. I mean....!!! what is wrong with these men!!!
Meanwhile, back to the appaling discoveries on the Discovery Channel, for the fans of "Finding Nemo", Clown Fishes are able of adapting for purpose of survival of species, change from male to female, given a situation whereby they tragically loose their spouse. Apparently the emotional trauma causes alteration in bodily hormone and the gender change takes place. Their little female off springs, in turn, would immediately undergo processes physiologically, hence turning them 20% larger in size and get this, into male species. This is to ensure, the longevity of their species existence. Can you imagine how smart these creatures are? They would go all the way to ensure their species longevity in life. We human tend to use our so called intelligence to ensure the shortivity ( don't bother checking this word up in the dictionary - I created this word ) in life of fellow species. And we call these fishes clowns!!
I mean, how brilliant is that. Why can't this happen to us ?!! Mom dies, father becomes mom, and kids become men !!! I'd like to turn into a male for a change after the tragic death of my hubby,then go back to being a woman ,or perhaps not...(saves me from society's scrutiny of being a single parent, a.k.a. weapon of mass destruction to marriages...as many insecure wives would brand us...) . Just mourn away for my hubby's death then wake up one morning, walla!! I'd have that penis I've always wanted. I mean, many of my male friends would tell me I have more balls than most men,(hmm..maybe that is why most men stayed away..) but we're talking about the real thing here.
We think only us human have gender confused species? Think again. In the case of gutter snakes,97% are of male species. 2% are females,(they are larger in size as compared to the rest) and very lucky if females if I may add. What about the remaining 1%? Hmm...good. You people are actually paying attention. Well, ladies and gentlemen, 1% of gutter snakes comprises of transvestites. What are their function in this women harem? These transvestites will produce a kind of pheromones to confuse and attract the 94% unlucky male snakes. I am sure they are good at this job,(gays and faggots are normally perfectionists)plus I'm sure they thoroughly enjoyed misleading these dumb males. They showed these transvestite gutter snakes being rubbed by what looked like millions of male snakes. The remaining lucky 3% that could actually differentiate between a female and a fake wanabe gets the chance to romancing the female gutter snake. ( just like us human, most men tend to fall into the 94% idiot who can't differentiate between the fake and the real deal....inborn metabolic error in genes I guess). But only one,the one, just like Neo from the Matrix, gets to go all the way with the slithering slimmy female ssssssnake..
Well, I know most men would dream to have a harem full of women wanting to have sex with them, but the female species, will only settle for one. ( Can you imagine how frustrating it is to become male gutter snakes? So, men...be nice to your partners, just in case reincarnation is true and you will be born a gutter snake,.... male snake, as punishment from god.
Next up on the screen was sea horses sex.( don't you love it when I talk dirty?) Their fore play reminded me of the Bollywood movie. The hero and heroine twirls around numerous trees, and danced around so many hills,just twirling, just going to kiss but never do... Except the sea horses do not change equal amount of fancy dresses, they have that dance. Next thing you know, the male species got pregnant, and they carry out the whole pregnancy thingy just as courages as the female human species. Can you imagine a human man getting pregnant, carrying the baby around for 9 months? My late hubby acted worse than a baby when he had gotten the flu. I'd rather have me get pregnant than have to put up with him being pregnant for 9 bloody months!! The baby would be born to a mom gone crazy!!! Again, men, be nice to your wives...heard of the word "karma and reicarnation"?
So there you go, that's how I spent my 070707, watching Wild Sex on the screen. Ahhh..wouldn't it be great if I were to be reborn as a gutter snake...well of course the female gender !!! Oh but wait!! I think the transvestite gutter snakes are luckier ;->
They were showing this marvelous documentary titled "Wild Sex" on Discovery Channel, only it is documented sex of various types of animals, very classy, unlike those produced by MAS crew on their days off.. Apart from self discovery that I still prefer to have sex with the homo sapiens species,the male gender specifically, despite the bull shit that comes along with it, I was awed by the diversity of sexual habits of the non homo sapiens. I mean, if you ask me, I'd say they're truly living their lives, having a sex gala!!! They really understood the meaning of "make love not war", unlike us dumb humans.
They showed the Hydras species, that had corpulation, whilst linking from one to the other, forming a kind of a circle. Leave human syncronize swimming aside, and lets talk about great well coordinated orgies!!
And do you know how snails produce this "dart" , which they prick each other with ,so that the surface of sperm entrance from male to female increases, increasing the probability of producing off springs. Talk about "love hurts"..They have this sensuos way of necking each other, for what seemed to be hours,(then again, they are after all, snails,) and the slow gestures was quite intriguing to watch. The camera man must have had experience in capturing beautiful karma-sutra like postures because the whole act looked very arty indeed.
Unlike us humans, however,we tend to prick our partner's heart, perhaps not physically, but emotionally by uttering the most hurting comments when making love, or perhaps in the aftermath. One of the most famous remark post love making, so I was told , by many Asian women who ended up depressed in my clinic,would be,
" Hurry!! Tissue!! Tissue!! Tissue!!" . It's bad enough that one had forgotten to say "please" when asking for a tissue, he had to ask for it immediately after love making, ( I mean why can't Asian men be like the French, who utter "mon cherie" words after love making, not that any one of us know that advanced a french, although the male may be just asking for tissue too, but oh! It sounds so romantic when spoken in french,"mon cherie,....tissue sil vous plait.."), these men had to repeat the word "tissue" three times all in one go, like they are in a race with the flowing towards gravity,frustrated looser sperms. I mean....!!! what is wrong with these men!!!
Meanwhile, back to the appaling discoveries on the Discovery Channel, for the fans of "Finding Nemo", Clown Fishes are able of adapting for purpose of survival of species, change from male to female, given a situation whereby they tragically loose their spouse. Apparently the emotional trauma causes alteration in bodily hormone and the gender change takes place. Their little female off springs, in turn, would immediately undergo processes physiologically, hence turning them 20% larger in size and get this, into male species. This is to ensure, the longevity of their species existence. Can you imagine how smart these creatures are? They would go all the way to ensure their species longevity in life. We human tend to use our so called intelligence to ensure the shortivity ( don't bother checking this word up in the dictionary - I created this word ) in life of fellow species. And we call these fishes clowns!!
I mean, how brilliant is that. Why can't this happen to us ?!! Mom dies, father becomes mom, and kids become men !!! I'd like to turn into a male for a change after the tragic death of my hubby,then go back to being a woman ,or perhaps not...(saves me from society's scrutiny of being a single parent, a.k.a. weapon of mass destruction to marriages...as many insecure wives would brand us...) . Just mourn away for my hubby's death then wake up one morning, walla!! I'd have that penis I've always wanted. I mean, many of my male friends would tell me I have more balls than most men,(hmm..maybe that is why most men stayed away..) but we're talking about the real thing here.
We think only us human have gender confused species? Think again. In the case of gutter snakes,97% are of male species. 2% are females,(they are larger in size as compared to the rest) and very lucky if females if I may add. What about the remaining 1%? Hmm...good. You people are actually paying attention. Well, ladies and gentlemen, 1% of gutter snakes comprises of transvestites. What are their function in this women harem? These transvestites will produce a kind of pheromones to confuse and attract the 94% unlucky male snakes. I am sure they are good at this job,(gays and faggots are normally perfectionists)plus I'm sure they thoroughly enjoyed misleading these dumb males. They showed these transvestite gutter snakes being rubbed by what looked like millions of male snakes. The remaining lucky 3% that could actually differentiate between a female and a fake wanabe gets the chance to romancing the female gutter snake. ( just like us human, most men tend to fall into the 94% idiot who can't differentiate between the fake and the real deal....inborn metabolic error in genes I guess). But only one,the one, just like Neo from the Matrix, gets to go all the way with the slithering slimmy female ssssssnake..
Well, I know most men would dream to have a harem full of women wanting to have sex with them, but the female species, will only settle for one. ( Can you imagine how frustrating it is to become male gutter snakes? So, men...be nice to your partners, just in case reincarnation is true and you will be born a gutter snake,.... male snake, as punishment from god.
Next up on the screen was sea horses sex.( don't you love it when I talk dirty?) Their fore play reminded me of the Bollywood movie. The hero and heroine twirls around numerous trees, and danced around so many hills,just twirling, just going to kiss but never do... Except the sea horses do not change equal amount of fancy dresses, they have that dance. Next thing you know, the male species got pregnant, and they carry out the whole pregnancy thingy just as courages as the female human species. Can you imagine a human man getting pregnant, carrying the baby around for 9 months? My late hubby acted worse than a baby when he had gotten the flu. I'd rather have me get pregnant than have to put up with him being pregnant for 9 bloody months!! The baby would be born to a mom gone crazy!!! Again, men, be nice to your wives...heard of the word "karma and reicarnation"?
So there you go, that's how I spent my 070707, watching Wild Sex on the screen. Ahhh..wouldn't it be great if I were to be reborn as a gutter snake...well of course the female gender !!! Oh but wait!! I think the transvestite gutter snakes are luckier ;->
Thursday, 5 July 2007
Wednesday, 4 July 2007
I'm too sexy for my car
I don't know whether to feel envious or sorry or both when it comes to the encounter of the owner of a luxurious car. For starters, it can get quite frustrating to possess a car that have the capability of going steady at 210miles per hour here in malaysia, because you may never be able to find out if the manufacturer is telling the truth or lying, since you may not be able to put to test then maximise its capabilities into actual practice on the local roads.( Just like I constantly wonder if my Gen2 proton car airbag will work when the need arises,or if I will ever survive to find out if it actually does function) And especially on roads that have temperemental speed limits of 110km/hr , 90km/hr,40km/hr then suddenly back to 110km/hour speed limits all in one stretch of one road, even the Smart Cars may get confused.
It's not so much of getting speeding tickets,(I'm sure people who own grand vehicles can afford to pay the summons or better, make them all disappear altogether using non maggie mee string connections...you know how it is in malaysia, even a political analyst have the power to blast people into bits and pieces, imagine what the policians and the rich are capable of...hmmm....)rather not being able to mobilize smoothly, just like the other cars that gets stuck in the traffic jam. In this scenario, frankly, Kancil would be brilliant as it can "cilok cilok" between cars, just like the rats with the flexible bones. Hmm..perhaps Produa should consider the next production name as "Tikus" or "Lalat" ( the version of Kancil with turbo engine and a cap as complimentary gift )
Furthermore, if I am driving one of those sports cars, I do not think I'd enjoy the view of the front vehicle's rear, especially if it belongs to the CRVs. It's like staring into some fatty ass,that farts out black smoke continuously onto your face, quite distressing really. The other day I saw the "ferrari" version of "SMART" cars. The car and the driver didn't look that smart really, especially when the only view feasted upon their eyes would be the front car's plat number,and unless the numbers are PEN15, or CUN7, or CBA1,MAF14,etc,there's not much to get excited about,especially when stuck behind cars that jammed the SMART TAG lanes.
Speaking of which, since we're at the topic of smart tags, the authorities should change the name from SMART Tag lane( or those days I use to call it the "SMUG tag" lanes...you drive through with a smug expression thrown to the other lanes waiting in line)to "DUMB UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE" tag lanes. Seriously, for every 10 cars, there will almost always be one dung head who would manage to clog the fast lane. They really should have an IQ test done on whoever who wishes to purchase the smart lane tags.
One who drives these sporty cars should be very cautious when approaching the lorries, for they may end up underneath these huge vehicle, alongside the sucked in Kancil due to pressure differences. Same consequence but different scientific reasons.
I reckon the speed breaker would really break their speed, especially when malaysians do not have specifications to building a speed breaker, and they come in different sizes and shapes, some meant to shave the bottom of any car.
In conclusion, having a sports car in Malaysia, is like having a marriage bond. You've got to put up with a lot of crap, to sustain the bond that really look impressive to society,since you've invested a lot of money in it. A bond, sometimes shaken if not stirred. If it is not for the love and passion, it's totally pointless to have one. Stick to the Kancil, at least it's low maintainence.
Let's talk about the other luxurious cars, like the Merc, BMW, etc. Nothing much to complain, except that there are few who drive these cars in such a manner convincing you that how they can afford the expensive cars have absolutely nothing to do with their brain capacity. They may have gained the money by smooching the right asses, cheating, conning or some are lucky to inherit the wealth, but never a smart person. It's like they drive out of reflex, you know, the nerve impulses from the body just go through the spinal cord, by passing the grey matter. ( It's like they plan to sell the brains later and under-utilize them on purpose to gain better second hand value when sold later ). Have you ever notice any Mercedes driven by an elderly chinese lady with big permed hair, double the size of a chinese opera actress , going at a pace that will keep the lonely cow dragging the kereta lembu, company, on the right most lane? Okay, that may be Phua Chu Kang's mom so don pray pray...
My policy of purchasing a car? Something that gets me safely from point A to point B and not have to starve while paying the loan. If you're a bussiness man or con man that have a dire need to impress, well, I guess it makes sense to drive around in luxurious cars. If you can actually afford it, then why not. But if you're just a doctor like me, underpaid overworked, just get a Kancil and try not to get sucked into any air pockets on the road created by speeding huge vehicles,or try to stay away from road bullies...,Besides, the cheap car vibrates at only 100km/hr, a huge vibrator thrown into the deal, you'll arrive anywhere with a big smile that splits your face into two halves, just like one of those Malaysian Airlines First Class advertisement, what more could a widow like me ask for.
Hope , that probably someday, some politician's relative will die from suffocation or face squashed onto the LRT window,due to congestion at travel peak hour, while travelling on the public transport due to some miracle mishap that happen to their luxurious car,for that may bear hope of betterment of our public transportation system in the future...I know it is wrong to hope bad things to happen to others but that's how things work around here I guess..The fortunate people's loss may be the unfortunate people's gain...sad, but true..
Come to think of it, most of the people who drive those fancy cars are old and ugly, by the time they can afford it. Me? I try to look good in my cheap car. At the end of the day, it's you who should look sexy, not the car...( a case of sour grapes?). Right Said Fred was right when he sung,"I'm too sexy for my car..so sexy it hurts..."
It's not so much of getting speeding tickets,(I'm sure people who own grand vehicles can afford to pay the summons or better, make them all disappear altogether using non maggie mee string connections...you know how it is in malaysia, even a political analyst have the power to blast people into bits and pieces, imagine what the policians and the rich are capable of...hmmm....)rather not being able to mobilize smoothly, just like the other cars that gets stuck in the traffic jam. In this scenario, frankly, Kancil would be brilliant as it can "cilok cilok" between cars, just like the rats with the flexible bones. Hmm..perhaps Produa should consider the next production name as "Tikus" or "Lalat" ( the version of Kancil with turbo engine and a cap as complimentary gift )
Furthermore, if I am driving one of those sports cars, I do not think I'd enjoy the view of the front vehicle's rear, especially if it belongs to the CRVs. It's like staring into some fatty ass,that farts out black smoke continuously onto your face, quite distressing really. The other day I saw the "ferrari" version of "SMART" cars. The car and the driver didn't look that smart really, especially when the only view feasted upon their eyes would be the front car's plat number,and unless the numbers are PEN15, or CUN7, or CBA1,MAF14,etc,there's not much to get excited about,especially when stuck behind cars that jammed the SMART TAG lanes.
Speaking of which, since we're at the topic of smart tags, the authorities should change the name from SMART Tag lane( or those days I use to call it the "SMUG tag" lanes...you drive through with a smug expression thrown to the other lanes waiting in line)to "DUMB UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE" tag lanes. Seriously, for every 10 cars, there will almost always be one dung head who would manage to clog the fast lane. They really should have an IQ test done on whoever who wishes to purchase the smart lane tags.
One who drives these sporty cars should be very cautious when approaching the lorries, for they may end up underneath these huge vehicle, alongside the sucked in Kancil due to pressure differences. Same consequence but different scientific reasons.
I reckon the speed breaker would really break their speed, especially when malaysians do not have specifications to building a speed breaker, and they come in different sizes and shapes, some meant to shave the bottom of any car.
In conclusion, having a sports car in Malaysia, is like having a marriage bond. You've got to put up with a lot of crap, to sustain the bond that really look impressive to society,since you've invested a lot of money in it. A bond, sometimes shaken if not stirred. If it is not for the love and passion, it's totally pointless to have one. Stick to the Kancil, at least it's low maintainence.
Let's talk about the other luxurious cars, like the Merc, BMW, etc. Nothing much to complain, except that there are few who drive these cars in such a manner convincing you that how they can afford the expensive cars have absolutely nothing to do with their brain capacity. They may have gained the money by smooching the right asses, cheating, conning or some are lucky to inherit the wealth, but never a smart person. It's like they drive out of reflex, you know, the nerve impulses from the body just go through the spinal cord, by passing the grey matter. ( It's like they plan to sell the brains later and under-utilize them on purpose to gain better second hand value when sold later ). Have you ever notice any Mercedes driven by an elderly chinese lady with big permed hair, double the size of a chinese opera actress , going at a pace that will keep the lonely cow dragging the kereta lembu, company, on the right most lane? Okay, that may be Phua Chu Kang's mom so don pray pray...
My policy of purchasing a car? Something that gets me safely from point A to point B and not have to starve while paying the loan. If you're a bussiness man or con man that have a dire need to impress, well, I guess it makes sense to drive around in luxurious cars. If you can actually afford it, then why not. But if you're just a doctor like me, underpaid overworked, just get a Kancil and try not to get sucked into any air pockets on the road created by speeding huge vehicles,or try to stay away from road bullies...,Besides, the cheap car vibrates at only 100km/hr, a huge vibrator thrown into the deal, you'll arrive anywhere with a big smile that splits your face into two halves, just like one of those Malaysian Airlines First Class advertisement, what more could a widow like me ask for.
Hope , that probably someday, some politician's relative will die from suffocation or face squashed onto the LRT window,due to congestion at travel peak hour, while travelling on the public transport due to some miracle mishap that happen to their luxurious car,for that may bear hope of betterment of our public transportation system in the future...I know it is wrong to hope bad things to happen to others but that's how things work around here I guess..The fortunate people's loss may be the unfortunate people's gain...sad, but true..
Come to think of it, most of the people who drive those fancy cars are old and ugly, by the time they can afford it. Me? I try to look good in my cheap car. At the end of the day, it's you who should look sexy, not the car...( a case of sour grapes?). Right Said Fred was right when he sung,"I'm too sexy for my car..so sexy it hurts..."
Monday, 2 July 2007
A point to ponder
Someone pointed out that my writing implies that I am a racist. I told him I absolutely agree with him. I am, a racist,I mean. I do not like all races, including my own. ( I am a malay,if that is important, just in case you're wondering ). Confused? Well,one of my hobbies is to convert people to become Confused-cius.
I do not like people with horendous civic mind. I get terribly annoyed with those who cut queue, do not give up their seats for the unfortunates,those who steal others' trolley at the supermarket, the righteous, people with deplorable toilet habits, who do not respect others,the selfish,greedy, lazy people, people who think it is okay to lie, cheat, hurt others intentionally, people who live a lie thinking it is hype, corrupted politicians (oops! Redundant!!!), I hate people who are judgemental with prejudice and bigotry as the basis of judgment....oh and many many more....in short, I hate most of the homo sapiens. That is why I think migrating to New Zealand would be a brilliant idea because the country is exceptionally beautiful, with great weather and they have more sheeps than the human species to put up with.
When we see people who are unfortunate, the disabled for instance, we tend to state to mind, their short comings. We pity them and thank God that we do not belong to the unfortunate statistics. Little do we realise that the characters i mentioned above, the characters of my fellow human being that i loathe is as good as being disabled, and in character,although unseen by the naked eye. The crippled character, is worst than a human's deformity, since the latter is something one was born with, where else, characters are something we acquired along the way. Why can't we open up our eyes, evaluate a person in a different angle, not just what the eye naked can perceive, instead, what the eyes and mind can see beyond the physical handicap. It's what I'd call, dissecting one's soul.
So yes, I am a racist. But my definition for racism is not based on the color of skin, religion, country etc, rather, on the human character. To me, people who have poor soul nourishment can be made into a race. The people who try to strive for betterment in enlightening their soul belongs to another. "Race" is a term created by us human beings. Why can't I redefine "race"?
According to the Wikipedia Dictionary :
"The term race describes populations or groups of people as distinguished by various sets of characteristics and beliefs about common ancestry. The most widely used human racial categories are based on visible traits (especially skin color, facial features and hair texture), and self-identification.[1]
Why can't we redefine "traits" as human characters, instead of human features? Think about it.......
I do not like people with horendous civic mind. I get terribly annoyed with those who cut queue, do not give up their seats for the unfortunates,those who steal others' trolley at the supermarket, the righteous, people with deplorable toilet habits, who do not respect others,the selfish,greedy, lazy people, people who think it is okay to lie, cheat, hurt others intentionally, people who live a lie thinking it is hype, corrupted politicians (oops! Redundant!!!), I hate people who are judgemental with prejudice and bigotry as the basis of judgment....oh and many many more....in short, I hate most of the homo sapiens. That is why I think migrating to New Zealand would be a brilliant idea because the country is exceptionally beautiful, with great weather and they have more sheeps than the human species to put up with.
When we see people who are unfortunate, the disabled for instance, we tend to state to mind, their short comings. We pity them and thank God that we do not belong to the unfortunate statistics. Little do we realise that the characters i mentioned above, the characters of my fellow human being that i loathe is as good as being disabled, and in character,although unseen by the naked eye. The crippled character, is worst than a human's deformity, since the latter is something one was born with, where else, characters are something we acquired along the way. Why can't we open up our eyes, evaluate a person in a different angle, not just what the eye naked can perceive, instead, what the eyes and mind can see beyond the physical handicap. It's what I'd call, dissecting one's soul.
So yes, I am a racist. But my definition for racism is not based on the color of skin, religion, country etc, rather, on the human character. To me, people who have poor soul nourishment can be made into a race. The people who try to strive for betterment in enlightening their soul belongs to another. "Race" is a term created by us human beings. Why can't I redefine "race"?
According to the Wikipedia Dictionary :
"The term race describes populations or groups of people as distinguished by various sets of characteristics and beliefs about common ancestry. The most widely used human racial categories are based on visible traits (especially skin color, facial features and hair texture), and self-identification.[1]
Why can't we redefine "traits" as human characters, instead of human features? Think about it.......
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