Words of Wisdom ...or so it seems...


Wednesday, 4 July 2007

I'm too sexy for my car

I don't know whether to feel envious or sorry or both when it comes to the encounter of the owner of a luxurious car. For starters, it can get quite frustrating to possess a car that have the capability of going steady at 210miles per hour here in malaysia, because you may never be able to find out if the manufacturer is telling the truth or lying, since you may not be able to put to test then maximise its capabilities into actual practice on the local roads.( Just like I constantly wonder if my Gen2 proton car airbag will work when the need arises,or if I will ever survive to find out if it actually does function) And especially on roads that have temperemental speed limits of 110km/hr , 90km/hr,40km/hr then suddenly back to 110km/hour speed limits all in one stretch of one road, even the Smart Cars may get confused.

It's not so much of getting speeding tickets,(I'm sure people who own grand vehicles can afford to pay the summons or better, make them all disappear altogether using non maggie mee string know how it is in malaysia, even a political analyst have the power to blast people into bits and pieces, imagine what the policians and the rich are capable of...hmmm....)rather not being able to mobilize smoothly, just like the other cars that gets stuck in the traffic jam. In this scenario, frankly, Kancil would be brilliant as it can "cilok cilok" between cars, just like the rats with the flexible bones. Hmm..perhaps Produa should consider the next production name as "Tikus" or "Lalat" ( the version of Kancil with turbo engine and a cap as complimentary gift )

Furthermore, if I am driving one of those sports cars, I do not think I'd enjoy the view of the front vehicle's rear, especially if it belongs to the CRVs. It's like staring into some fatty ass,that farts out black smoke continuously onto your face, quite distressing really. The other day I saw the "ferrari" version of "SMART" cars. The car and the driver didn't look that smart really, especially when the only view feasted upon their eyes would be the front car's plat number,and unless the numbers are PEN15, or CUN7, or CBA1,MAF14,etc,there's not much to get excited about,especially when stuck behind cars that jammed the SMART TAG lanes.

Speaking of which, since we're at the topic of smart tags, the authorities should change the name from SMART Tag lane( or those days I use to call it the "SMUG tag" drive through with a smug expression thrown to the other lanes waiting in line)to "DUMB UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE" tag lanes. Seriously, for every 10 cars, there will almost always be one dung head who would manage to clog the fast lane. They really should have an IQ test done on whoever who wishes to purchase the smart lane tags.

One who drives these sporty cars should be very cautious when approaching the lorries, for they may end up underneath these huge vehicle, alongside the sucked in Kancil due to pressure differences. Same consequence but different scientific reasons.

I reckon the speed breaker would really break their speed, especially when malaysians do not have specifications to building a speed breaker, and they come in different sizes and shapes, some meant to shave the bottom of any car.

In conclusion, having a sports car in Malaysia, is like having a marriage bond. You've got to put up with a lot of crap, to sustain the bond that really look impressive to society,since you've invested a lot of money in it. A bond, sometimes shaken if not stirred. If it is not for the love and passion, it's totally pointless to have one. Stick to the Kancil, at least it's low maintainence.

Let's talk about the other luxurious cars, like the Merc, BMW, etc. Nothing much to complain, except that there are few who drive these cars in such a manner convincing you that how they can afford the expensive cars have absolutely nothing to do with their brain capacity. They may have gained the money by smooching the right asses, cheating, conning or some are lucky to inherit the wealth, but never a smart person. It's like they drive out of reflex, you know, the nerve impulses from the body just go through the spinal cord, by passing the grey matter. ( It's like they plan to sell the brains later and under-utilize them on purpose to gain better second hand value when sold later ). Have you ever notice any Mercedes driven by an elderly chinese lady with big permed hair, double the size of a chinese opera actress , going at a pace that will keep the lonely cow dragging the kereta lembu, company, on the right most lane? Okay, that may be Phua Chu Kang's mom so don pray pray...

My policy of purchasing a car? Something that gets me safely from point A to point B and not have to starve while paying the loan. If you're a bussiness man or con man that have a dire need to impress, well, I guess it makes sense to drive around in luxurious cars. If you can actually afford it, then why not. But if you're just a doctor like me, underpaid overworked, just get a Kancil and try not to get sucked into any air pockets on the road created by speeding huge vehicles,or try to stay away from road bullies...,Besides, the cheap car vibrates at only 100km/hr, a huge vibrator thrown into the deal, you'll arrive anywhere with a big smile that splits your face into two halves, just like one of those Malaysian Airlines First Class advertisement, what more could a widow like me ask for.

Hope , that probably someday, some politician's relative will die from suffocation or face squashed onto the LRT window,due to congestion at travel peak hour, while travelling on the public transport due to some miracle mishap that happen to their luxurious car,for that may bear hope of betterment of our public transportation system in the future...I know it is wrong to hope bad things to happen to others but that's how things work around here I guess..The fortunate people's loss may be the unfortunate people's gain...sad, but true..

Come to think of it, most of the people who drive those fancy cars are old and ugly, by the time they can afford it. Me? I try to look good in my cheap car. At the end of the day, it's you who should look sexy, not the car...( a case of sour grapes?). Right Said Fred was right when he sung,"I'm too sexy for my sexy it hurts..."

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