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Tuesday, 10 July 2007

Wild Sex on 070707

I've always wanted to re-marry on dates like 20022002,or 20042004 or 070707, but so far, for the past 7 years, I kept missing it, on the marriage part I meant.( Then again,I'm still having problem of getting someone to marry me on any date) So, recently, on 070707,yet, another significant date missing my life's history, whilst many others , just like me, didn't mind the cliche of getting hitched on these kind of dates, I found myself doing something significant on 070707. I was alone on the couch, in front of the television, with junk food keeping me company, watching ....porn. I must say, it was quite a refreshing experience, although I did not get turned on by any one of those sexual acts. It was a relieve because, at least on 070707, I found out for sure, that I am not into bestiality.( can you blame me for even wondering, some of the men I've dated so far can behave no better than the animals...)

They were showing this marvelous documentary titled "Wild Sex" on Discovery Channel, only it is documented sex of various types of animals, very classy, unlike those produced by MAS crew on their days off.. Apart from self discovery that I still prefer to have sex with the homo sapiens species,the male gender specifically, despite the bull shit that comes along with it, I was awed by the diversity of sexual habits of the non homo sapiens. I mean, if you ask me, I'd say they're truly living their lives, having a sex gala!!! They really understood the meaning of "make love not war", unlike us dumb humans.

They showed the Hydras species, that had corpulation, whilst linking from one to the other, forming a kind of a circle. Leave human syncronize swimming aside, and lets talk about great well coordinated orgies!!

And do you know how snails produce this "dart" , which they prick each other with ,so that the surface of sperm entrance from male to female increases, increasing the probability of producing off springs. Talk about "love hurts"..They have this sensuos way of necking each other, for what seemed to be hours,(then again, they are after all, snails,) and the slow gestures was quite intriguing to watch. The camera man must have had experience in capturing beautiful karma-sutra like postures because the whole act looked very arty indeed.

Unlike us humans, however,we tend to prick our partner's heart, perhaps not physically, but emotionally by uttering the most hurting comments when making love, or perhaps in the aftermath. One of the most famous remark post love making, so I was told , by many Asian women who ended up depressed in my clinic,would be,
" Hurry!! Tissue!! Tissue!! Tissue!!" . It's bad enough that one had forgotten to say "please" when asking for a tissue, he had to ask for it immediately after love making, ( I mean why can't Asian men be like the French, who utter "mon cherie" words after love making, not that any one of us know that advanced a french, although the male may be just asking for tissue too, but oh! It sounds so romantic when spoken in french,"mon cherie,....tissue sil vous plait.."), these men had to repeat the word "tissue" three times all in one go, like they are in a race with the flowing towards gravity,frustrated looser sperms. I mean....!!! what is wrong with these men!!!

Meanwhile, back to the appaling discoveries on the Discovery Channel, for the fans of "Finding Nemo", Clown Fishes are able of adapting for purpose of survival of species, change from male to female, given a situation whereby they tragically loose their spouse. Apparently the emotional trauma causes alteration in bodily hormone and the gender change takes place. Their little female off springs, in turn, would immediately undergo processes physiologically, hence turning them 20% larger in size and get this, into male species. This is to ensure, the longevity of their species existence. Can you imagine how smart these creatures are? They would go all the way to ensure their species longevity in life. We human tend to use our so called intelligence to ensure the shortivity ( don't bother checking this word up in the dictionary - I created this word ) in life of fellow species. And we call these fishes clowns!!

I mean, how brilliant is that. Why can't this happen to us ?!! Mom dies, father becomes mom, and kids become men !!! I'd like to turn into a male for a change after the tragic death of my hubby,then go back to being a woman ,or perhaps not...(saves me from society's scrutiny of being a single parent, a.k.a. weapon of mass destruction to marriages...as many insecure wives would brand us...) . Just mourn away for my hubby's death then wake up one morning, walla!! I'd have that penis I've always wanted. I mean, many of my male friends would tell me I have more balls than most men,(hmm..maybe that is why most men stayed away..) but we're talking about the real thing here.

We think only us human have gender confused species? Think again. In the case of gutter snakes,97% are of male species. 2% are females,(they are larger in size as compared to the rest) and very lucky if females if I may add. What about the remaining 1%? Hmm...good. You people are actually paying attention. Well, ladies and gentlemen, 1% of gutter snakes comprises of transvestites. What are their function in this women harem? These transvestites will produce a kind of pheromones to confuse and attract the 94% unlucky male snakes. I am sure they are good at this job,(gays and faggots are normally perfectionists)plus I'm sure they thoroughly enjoyed misleading these dumb males. They showed these transvestite gutter snakes being rubbed by what looked like millions of male snakes. The remaining lucky 3% that could actually differentiate between a female and a fake wanabe gets the chance to romancing the female gutter snake. ( just like us human, most men tend to fall into the 94% idiot who can't differentiate between the fake and the real deal....inborn metabolic error in genes I guess). But only one,the one, just like Neo from the Matrix, gets to go all the way with the slithering slimmy female ssssssnake..

Well, I know most men would dream to have a harem full of women wanting to have sex with them, but the female species, will only settle for one. ( Can you imagine how frustrating it is to become male gutter snakes? So, men...be nice to your partners, just in case reincarnation is true and you will be born a gutter snake,.... male snake, as punishment from god.

Next up on the screen was sea horses sex.( don't you love it when I talk dirty?) Their fore play reminded me of the Bollywood movie. The hero and heroine twirls around numerous trees, and danced around so many hills,just twirling, just going to kiss but never do... Except the sea horses do not change equal amount of fancy dresses, they have that dance. Next thing you know, the male species got pregnant, and they carry out the whole pregnancy thingy just as courages as the female human species. Can you imagine a human man getting pregnant, carrying the baby around for 9 months? My late hubby acted worse than a baby when he had gotten the flu. I'd rather have me get pregnant than have to put up with him being pregnant for 9 bloody months!! The baby would be born to a mom gone crazy!!! Again, men, be nice to your wives...heard of the word "karma and reicarnation"?

So there you go, that's how I spent my 070707, watching Wild Sex on the screen. Ahhh..wouldn't it be great if I were to be reborn as a gutter snake...well of course the female gender !!! Oh but wait!! I think the transvestite gutter snakes are luckier ;->

4 comments:

Hazidi said...

I think this article is really a guilt driven reaction. I think the "porn" you were watchingreally was PORN. Then again I could be wrong :-)

pah nur said...

eeeyyyyyy...jangan main tudoooh tudoooh tauuuuu......berdosa tuduh pompuan suci tengok porn, salah satu dari TUJUH SETENGAH DOSA DOSA BESOOOOR .....mintak ampun cepat, sebelum tulah...Kang kena sumpah jadi batu macam sitenggang, baru tauuuuu....

yuteqa said...

well, all i can say is that you should have taken up writing instead of doing injustice to medicine

pah nur said...

dear yuteqa, agreed. But why not I do injustice to both?