"So You Think You Can Act?"

Doctors can be the biggest actors and actresses. Really. We're entertainers by nature. Almost everyone who comes into the clinic would suffer from something that can be diagnosed and managed during our sleep. So, we tend to entertain patients instead,more of self entertainment actually, as most GPs are basically brain dead anyways.So self entertainment is a form of brain ressussatation to keep the grey matter at least functioning. Forget about curing as we still haven't found the cure for influenza!! Lucky is if the patient comprehends the joke narrated while waiting for the thermometer to be taken out from the patients mouth (I mean, it could be totally awkward just to sit there and stare at the patient after shoving a thermometer down his...). I use to laugh at my own jokes while the patient look at me bewildered. It doesn't help that doctor's jokes are mostly as dry as a menopausing woman.

Why we'd make a good actor/actresses? Well, we tend to show contradictory expressions on our faces , compared to the emotion we felt simultaneously. For instance, I had to put on a straight stoned face when I had to extract this condom that got stuck in a 55year old lady's you-know-what.I was expecting a regular condom when my jaw almost dropped when I saw this weird looking condom at the grip of my forceps. But of course I had to maintain my macho. Suddenly, I felt a gush of laughter choking my breath.(thank God I did not take petai for lunch and of course I did not laugh aloud, its totally unprofessional. Its okay to feel unprofessional, but not to get caught practicing it)... Feasted upon my condom-virgin eyes, was this 1/2 inch long ( or should i say "short"), studded and pink in color condom. To me, it resembled this giant muscular hydra. It was bad enuff that I was traumatized by the UFO(Unidentified F%$@#ing object)-condom, to have found it in an old lady's reproductive system was quite devastating!!!(how come she was having more explicit sex than any of us..totally unfair!!). My mind was boggling,wondering why the hell that 55years old lady bothered having sex at all with someone who uses 1/2inches size condoms. She'd probably be luckier sitting on a washing machine. He..he...he..

Okay, I googled "studded condoms" out of curiousity and found the particular type of condom in question. Apparently, it is called "french tickle condom". I felt like telling the mak nyah, "Honey, at 55, you need more than a just a tickle to get you by..."

MY APOLOGIES FOR THE NAKED WOMAN as I truly do not know how to obliterate the picture, without jeopardizing the precious condom pic. Here's just to share it with all of you. It's a lesson never too late to learn.



Don't they look like toys from china, albeit toys from china are being taken off the market as we are speaking,in view of lack of safety measures...hmmm...obviously the old lady did not read the papers. I doubt chinese papers would print negative things about china products...

My face was straight serious and concern, while my tummy was experiencing Tsunami waves from trying to contain my laughter. That is why, doctor's should not keep a beer belly. It's a dead give away!!

Back to the original context, we doctors cry when listening to a patient who break down because of some domestic problems. Yeah...another hubby having "midlife crisis and since he cannot afford a Harley Davidson, he'd get a new girlfriend instead"...oh tell me something new. In reality, when a doctor cries with you, appear to be intently listening to your problems which you have narrated for the 5th time in that one month, she/he is actually crying because she hadn't had her meal yet, and the gastric pain is inducing the tears. It doesn't help at all when while waiting for the patient to stop whining, we doctors catch a glimpse of the piled up patients' card, all waiting for the whiner to complete the whining and get on with life, so that they could come in and have their turn to whine. Sigh...talk about occupational hazard...

Sometimes, when doctors laugh at something you say that you could have sworn isn’t that hilarious, but laugh along anyway just to be polite, it’s probably because they had to find a discrete method of covering up the insidious release of flatulence without the embarrassment of getting caught. It used to be easier when we were in the operating theater, when everyone was made compulsory to wear masks. Even if no one is wearing a mask, we’d still get away with farting by blaming it on an unidentified new anesthetics gas. Haaa,the perks of this profession. Revolting, but true.

Sometimes, when a doctor seemed angry with you for not taking that regular medication, he/she is probably having a bad day (she most likely due to PMS and he most likely because of not getting any…bear in mind, men have two heads, the other head malfunction if the other is not functioning, and vice versa by the way.). Taking it out on the patient may be a vent for the steam build up from frustration within. And you thought we give a shit if you are irresponsible to your own health. You people are so vain.

There you go...if there are any unsung heroes in the world of entertainment, we are the ones. We laugh, we cry, we frown, all for the different reasons... The greatest of actors/actresses, yupp..that’s us…
If someone were to come up with a reality TV show titled, “So you think you can act?”, be wary when any doctors enroll in the competition. They may just walk away with the trophy. And you thought politicians are the biggest act of all….