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Sunday, 2 March 2008

The Importance of Being un-Daft-ness

Here's how you could irritate your doctor.

Top Ten list on how to irritate your doctor:

1. Walk into the clinic after your office hours and tell the doctor that you did not go to work that day and and therefore the doctor just have to issue out the MC.
Why?
Because that is why he/she is the doctor, and you are not . When a doctor concludes you are not fit for work, he issues out an MC. When you decide you are not fit for work, suggest apply for annual leave. Besides, if the doctor decides to leave the patients to decide, he will not name the clinic,"Klinik Keluarga" or something along the line, but instead, name it "Klinik Bapppak Aku".

2. Walk into the clinic at any time and tell the doctor that you have called up your HR saying that you are taking MC for the day.
Why?
The reasons stated in #1 applies.

3. Call up the doctor from home, claiming you are sick and wants the doctor to issue out MC for the day.
Why?
We are not in the pizza delivery business and we don't do home deliveries.

4. Come back and see the doctor after three days from the time you saw him last, and tell the doctor that your condition is status quo despite not taking her medication because you have this theory you built up in your mind after listening to friends and browsing the internet for about 4hours, that medication has a lot of side effects.
Why?
Why bother waste paying consultation fee when you have decided for self doctoring.

5. Your first word upon sitting during consultation is, "I need you to refer me to a specialist".
Why?
The word "patient" only applies to patient. Doctors have no patience for remarks that is condescending. We are not a portal for the specialists, we're not idiots sitting there taking in remarks suggesting we cannot handle pariah medical cases.

6. Wake the doctor up from a night duty at 3am for reasons like:

a. Demam panas when actual temperature is subnormal temperature because you just spent 5 hours in the car driving from Alor Setar to Kuala Lumpur with the aircon blowing in your face. Wake your doctor with some other blow job story.

b. MC
Why?
If you want to wake a doctor at 3am, you had better be not dead, but almost there. Otherwise, it is a bit difficult to expect "budi bicara" from a person who is sleep deprived, from the waking ups by people who lack "aqal".

c. because you work on night shift and that time is convinient for you, therefore you have decided that everyone else should be awake too.
Why?
Doctors need to cat nap in order to function well. They normally respond well to emergency cases because it pumps out adrenalin that keeps them alert and awake. Any case that fail to trigger the adrenalin centre may result in the doctor's brain to still be at snooze mode and you may end up eating medicine you are suppose to shove up your ass instead.

d. overslept with hair straightener cream on your hair and hair started to drop off.
Why?
What the fuck are you doing straightening your hair at 3 in the fucking morning?!!!

8. The word "Ye ke?" at the end of a doctor's consultation. Here's an example.
Doctor: "This is just a simple bruise. Don't worry about it. It'll resolve in a few days' time"
Patient: "Ye ke?"
In the doctor's mind: "No, actually you have a third breast growing in your forearms. Why do you think your company is paying money for my consultation? Because I'm a DoDo bird and I don't know what I'm talking about is it?"
Why?
Why bother.

9. The word "I don't know" .
Example:
Doctor: "Can you describe to me how the pain felt like? Is it stabbing, or burning or throbbing?"
Patient: "I don't know"
Doctor: " Well is it going anywhere else beside the spot you pointed just now?"
Patient: "Err..", and the doctor leaned close to hear he answer, and he gets a , "I don't know"
Why?
We're not God, we need information.

10. Come in at exactly the time the clinic is due for closure and start relating many illnesses one after another, as though you are a disease collector, including a 4 year old recalcitrant fungal infection.
Why?
Because we too have a life (that doesn't have anything to do with vaginal or penile discharges.)

There you go. Let the truth be told. Try not to irritate your doctor too much because remember, the word "patient" applies to you. You don't want the doctors to examine your mouth ulcer via the other end of the food tract.


2 comments:

Hazidi said...

One more,
Walk into a doctor's office and say, "can you give me anti-itch medication,doc, It has been itching since i got back from Bangkok"

pah nur said...

actually, that amuses a doctor rather than irritate him. To itch it is human, to scratch is devine. Otherwise, there's always the doctors to prescribe antibiotics.