Combine Mr Lova Lova together with James Bond, you get...well go on and click on the video to find out..
Unlike Mr Bean there, my grandfather was a real looker. Whilst James Bond was an International philanderer, my grandfather chose to marry the women he befriended. Actually, it wasn't a choice to marry. In Muslim practice, to be able to "FRCS" ( that's a private Surgeon joke for 'F..ing around the Country side'. The real term is "Fellowship Royal College of Surgeon"), you are allowed to legalize it by marrying up to four.
So, he, my Casanovic grandfather, did in fact married four, well at least at one time. I remember my Ummi telling me that he had to divorce one wife to take up a new one. I was just, speechless (which is basically an occasion as rare as the sighting of Haley's Comet). Back then, it was a natural thing for men to marry four. Today, I suppose the only thing that is stopping men from doing the same is the financial constrain. Otherwise, tell me which men do not at least once in their minds think about marrying more than one.
My grandfather, the local Don Juan of the 50s, died of lung Cancer shortly before I was born. When he died, ironically, he was only married to the first wife, my mom's mother; he divorced the rest. I guess when cancer hit him, the only one around to take care of him was my grandmother. My grandmother died roughly about a month apart from my grandfather, in and accident. My grandfather, the Don Juan, died coughing out blood in the lap of probably the only woman he ever loved, but managed to torture emotionally. Like I said earlier, he was a chain smoker. In this way, he reminded me of Clinton, the women, the smoking, except Clinton was smart enough not to inhale.
Whilst it's funny to watch, the P. Ramlee movie, "Madu Tiga", in real life, polygamy is no laughing matter to the women who are involved in it. Although there was not a single fist fight amongst his wife reported in the grandfather's marriages, they, the wives were not happy, despite the brave look they portrayed to the public eye. In short, it was a huge sham, hypocritical relationship between the wives who occasionally seek help from the bomoh, something I completely object to, hitherto. My grandfather was not a bad man, in fact, it was because he was charming and kind that women take to him. Of course being a "nice" man, his problem was resisting temptations. Being good looking was not helping him either.
Until today, I don't fancy good looking especially Malay men, (well, they don't fancy me either. Some will admire me from afar, but the moment I open my mouth, they dissappear!! That was probably why I ended up married to a Punjabi instead) because I developed a mental block from the brain damage since childhood, by the thought of my grandfather's good looks that subjected him to infidelities in a form of marriage, which to me is sacred and should remain exclusive... Some people are active in the community and my grandfather was one of them. He was sexually active in the community, as evidenced by the amount of uncles and aunties, some about 4 - 5 years my senior.
But mind you, all activities were legalized by the Islamic Auta-rities. But the good thing is, we are really kamceng, the nieces and nephews with of our aunts and uncles. Well, only a few to be precise. The rest I tend to avoid. Let's just put it this way, I've got uncles who had their names appear in the newspapers for the wrong reasons, and it's not even because of noble causes like ending up in ISA. I guess, they were just lacking the good guidance from parents, due to the lack of quality time spent together. This is common in big families.
For the men who claims that polygamy is "sunnah", and you get "pahala" from polygamy, the amazing part, I feel, is the efficient way they manage to convince the women to agree to this. This is beyond brilliant!! More brilliant than a diplomat, who's definition would only be "a person who can convince others, that hell is a fabulous place to be, so much so, everyone looks forward to going there". These guys are so good and mind manipulation and brain wash, they should be employed by the CIA or British Intel in aiding the search of the "Manchurian Candidate". It could save them billions from all the unnecessary experimentation on prisoners of war.
Another thing that I find bewildering and funny; how people do not follow the prophet in the sense that he had only one daughter, Fatimah, yet zealously follow the marrying four bit. Come to think of it, don't anyone find it odd, that despite the claimed so many wives prophet was married to at one time, there was only one child as a result of those marriages. Mind you, that was an era whereby the full potential of rubber was not yet discovered.
Actually, it's funny in a non Ha-Ha way. It's even more fantastic that they could convince these women that by consenting the men to re-marry, these women will have a special place in heaven. ( if they manage to survive the hell on earth from all the drama associated with polygamy if you ask me). This is an evidence based era, show me the evidence that polygamy is encouraged by God and I'll show you my contradictory proof.
From the Quran; An Nisa'a verse 3;
I cannot understand how is it that men think that they can be just. Take emotional justice, for instance. There must be a reason why a man goes astray from the first wife. Boredom would be high on the list. (and should you have watched the first P. Ramlee video I posted, can you blame him?). Bottom line, how can a man be just, between the first and the second wife, when the reason for him to venture a greener turf was, in the first place, because he have problems with the present turf? That itself makes it difficult for him to be emotionally just.
Again in the Quran God reiterated His discouragement on polygamy;
AH...HHAH!! There you go. God said "You will not be able to be fair regarding the women even if you make every effort....". It's obvious polygamy is discouraged in Islam, although it is not forbidden. Just like alcohol, God said, "The detrimental effect overwhelms the benefits. Go ahead if you think you can control yourself." but unlike alcohol consumption, with the issue of polygamy God went on to say that "I know you cannot be just even if you try all out". What now? Sebat polygamist like we sebat Kartika for getting caught drinking beer in public? Why the double standard huh? Sekarang apa macam daaaa?
A woman was walking around handing out the club’s literature. A picture of Abuya and his three surviving wives (well, they're surviving polygamy, if you call surviving, living)beamed from the cover of one booklet. Underneath it were gold-embossed words: Indahnya Poligamy: Suami untuk Dikongsi, Bukan untuk Diperebutkan (How Wonderful is Polygamy: Husbands are to be Shared, Not Fought Over). ( it's all about the men isn't it?)
In Sura 4:79:
“For peace to prevail at home, women should start seeing his other wives as sisters, (but..but..but...God says you cannot marry two sisters at the same time - An Nisa' verse 23) rather than enemies. It’s a sacrifice every woman must make, (...EVERY woman MUST make this sacrifice? Where, on planet of the Apes? Err...says who again?) for the sake of her husband. (hmmm...interest of men again..how convenient...). Don’t say you’d rather be single. (oh but I do, rather be single then putting my foot into hypocritical mess. Quite serene to the mind you know, you should try it sometime) It’s like crawling into a tiger’s stomach, instead of an alligator’s.” " (actually, being single is like crawling into bed WITHOUT the tiger and the alligator in the same bed)
In Al Baqarah verse 177, God said;
Again, in the same surah verse 215,
Also in the Baqarah verse 220, God encourages to elevate the status of orphans.
Where is the sincerity in polygamy? I'll answer that, "in practice, there is no sincerity". Unlike the days of the Ignorance, there is no widow, or divorcees who are about to be thrown into the fire, or gang raped after she is divorced or after the husband dies, in this era. In fact, widows and divorcees are doing quite fine if you ask me, some even better than ordinary men. Yes, they may be short of cash at times, but so are the others, don't have to be widows and divorcee to run out of cash. Besides, you don't have to marry someone just to give her a helping hand.
So I guess, it makes more sense to save your marriage rather than trying to save someone else by straining your marriage. Marrying them for to take care of sexual needs? Honey, this is the electronic and internet era we're in today. You don't need to buy the whole pig just to get taste the sausage (so the saying goes). Don't tell me about women willing to share, it's all hypocritical, when a woman says that. Well, either hypocritical or not the first wife.
Some may raise the question of how to solve the overwhelming unmarried women ratio to men? Well, I agree some solution must be achieved, but polygamy is not an option. You cannot solve a problem with a potentially bigger problem. Besides, apart from society's scrutiny of singletons, be it original singletons or the recycled ones, what's so bad about being single? Perhaps it is the society who should be educated in respecting society who are singles. As for Malay women who are fond of snitching other people's husband and marrying them, think of the consequences of your actions. You are destroying a family, not to mention the kids' happiness. It is not the right thing to do. It's like frogging actually. Even though it is legal, it is just not ethical, and laws are mend to be amended, because, it is humans that make the law anyway and from time to time, it should be adjusted to tailor to the society's needs.
I can understand if people were to say that they practice polygamy because they cannot contain their itch to do so. I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with, is the insistence that it is a good practice, some even proclaim that it is encouraged by Islam, despite God, in His words in the Quran clearly discourages such a practice, for the benefit of the human kind. To say otherwise is to rebuke the words of God. In short, what I cannot accept is the lie about polygamy, from it's purpose, to the way it is actually practiced. Don't say polygamy is a good practice and it solves most of today's social problems, because it's just a downright lie. Just say, we practice polygamy because we are human, and to human is to err, or to itch..there...... I will respect that slightly more than I do the big hypocrisy.
Listen in to the words of P. Ramlee singing, for in practice,most of the time, that is what it really is, a web of lies....and with the return of Abuya, as a driving force (has anyone considered hiring him in a Tongkat Ali advert yet?) you can expect the Rise of The (Legalized Sex) Machines. But unlike in the Terminator Trilogy, these machine do not terminate...instead, they procreate....