Words of Wisdom ...or so it seems...

Blog Archive


Tuesday, 15 September 2009

LRTQ 2: Rise Of The (Legal Sex) Machines....

Every time my eyes are feasted upon that video "Mr Lova Lova" by Shaggy, I can't help but be reminded of my grandfather. What does Mr Lova Lova and my grandfather have in common, you ask me? You see, my maternal grandfather, married many. Polygamy to him was as natural as say, picking his nose. He was a regular James Bond that old man, the women, the smoking like a chimney. Only thing his drink was neither shaken nor stirred, instead, "pulled" as he only drank teh tarik and nothing else. (probably due to the nicotine urge)

Combine Mr Lova Lova together with James Bond, you get...well go on and click on the video to find out..

Unlike Mr Bean there, my grandfather was a real looker. Whilst James Bond was an International philanderer, my grandfather chose to marry the women he befriended. Actually, it wasn't a choice to marry. In Muslim practice, to be able to "FRCS" ( that's a private Surgeon joke for ' around the Country side'. The real term is "Fellowship Royal College of Surgeon"), you are allowed to legalize it by marrying up to four.

So, he, my Casanovic grandfather, did in fact married four, well at least at one time. I remember my Ummi telling me that he had to divorce one wife to take up a new one. I was just, speechless (which is basically an occasion as rare as the sighting of Haley's Comet). Back then, it was a natural thing for men to marry four. Today, I suppose the only thing that is stopping men from doing the same is the financial constrain. Otherwise, tell me which men do not at least once in their minds think about marrying more than one.

My grandfather, the local Don Juan of the 50s, died of lung Cancer shortly before I was born. When he died, ironically, he was only married to the first wife, my mom's mother; he divorced the rest. I guess when cancer hit him, the only one around to take care of him was my grandmother. My grandmother died roughly about a month apart from my grandfather, in and accident. My grandfather, the Don Juan, died coughing out blood in the lap of probably the only woman he ever loved, but managed to torture emotionally. Like I said earlier, he was a chain smoker. In this way, he reminded me of Clinton, the women, the smoking, except Clinton was smart enough not to inhale.

Whilst it's funny to watch, the P. Ramlee movie, "Madu Tiga", in real life, polygamy is no laughing matter to the women who are involved in it. Although there was not a single fist fight amongst his wife reported in the grandfather's marriages, they, the wives were not happy, despite the brave look they portrayed to the public eye. In short, it was a huge sham, hypocritical relationship between the wives who occasionally seek help from the bomoh, something I completely object to, hitherto. My grandfather was not a bad man, in fact, it was because he was charming and kind that women take to him. Of course being a "nice" man, his problem was resisting temptations. Being good looking was not helping him either.

Until today, I don't fancy good looking especially Malay men, (well, they don't fancy me either. Some will admire me from afar, but the moment I open my mouth, they dissappear!! That was probably why I ended up married to a Punjabi instead) because I developed a mental block from the brain damage since childhood, by the thought of my grandfather's good looks that subjected him to infidelities in a form of marriage, which to me is sacred and should remain exclusive... Some people are active in the community and my grandfather was one of them. He was sexually active in the community, as evidenced by the amount of uncles and aunties, some about 4 - 5 years my senior.

But mind you, all activities were legalized by the Islamic Auta-rities. But the good thing is, we are really kamceng, the nieces and nephews with of our aunts and uncles. Well, only a few to be precise. The rest I tend to avoid. Let's just put it this way, I've got uncles who had their names appear in the newspapers for the wrong reasons, and it's not even because of noble causes like ending up in ISA. I guess, they were just lacking the good guidance from parents, due to the lack of quality time spent together. This is common in big families.

For the men who claims that polygamy is "sunnah", and you get "pahala" from polygamy, the amazing part, I feel, is the efficient way they manage to convince the women to agree to this. This is beyond brilliant!! More brilliant than a diplomat, who's definition would only be "a person who can convince others, that hell is a fabulous place to be, so much so, everyone looks forward to going there". These guys are so good and mind manipulation and brain wash, they should be employed by the CIA or British Intel in aiding the search of the "Manchurian Candidate". It could save them billions from all the unnecessary experimentation on prisoners of war.

Another thing that I find bewildering and funny; how people do not follow the prophet in the sense that he had only one daughter, Fatimah, yet zealously follow the marrying four bit. Come to think of it, don't anyone find it odd, that despite the claimed so many wives prophet was married to at one time, there was only one child as a result of those marriages. Mind you, that was an era whereby the full potential of rubber was not yet discovered.

Actually, it's funny in a non Ha-Ha way. It's even more fantastic that they could convince these women that by consenting the men to re-marry, these women will have a special place in heaven. ( if they manage to survive the hell on earth from all the drama associated with polygamy if you ask me). This is an evidence based era, show me the evidence that polygamy is encouraged by God and I'll show you my contradictory proof.

From the Quran; An Nisa'a verse 3;

وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلاَّ تُقْسِطُواْ فِي الْيَتَامَى فَانكِحُواْ مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاء مَثْنَى وَثُلاَثَ وَرُبَاعَ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلاَّ تَعْدِلُواْ فَوَاحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ذَلِكَ أَدْنَى أَلاَّ تَعُولُواْ

[4:3] "If you fear that you cannot be just to fatherless orphans, then marry those whom you see fit from the women, two, and three, and four. But if you fear you will not be fair then only one, or whom you already have contract with. So that you do not commit injustice and suffer hardship."

I cannot understand how is it that men think that they can be just. Take emotional justice, for instance. There must be a reason why a man goes astray from the first wife. Boredom would be high on the list. (and should you have watched the first P. Ramlee video I posted, can you blame him?). Bottom line, how can a man be just, between the first and the second wife, when the reason for him to venture a greener turf was, in the first place, because he have problems with the present turf? That itself makes it difficult for him to be emotionally just.

Again in the Quran God reiterated His discouragement on polygamy;

وَلَن تَسْتَطِيعُواْ أَن تَعْدِلُواْ بَيْنَ النِّسَاء وَلَوْ حَرَصْتُمْ فَلاَ تَمِيلُواْ كُلَّ الْمَيْلِ فَتَذَرُوهَا كَالْمُعَلَّقَةِ وَإِن تُصْلِحُواْ وَتَتَّقُواْ فَإِنَّ اللّهَ كَانَ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا

4:129 "You will not be able to be fair regarding the women even if you make every effort; so do not sway too greatly and leave her as one hanging in a void. If you reconcile and be aware, then God is Forgiving, Compassionate";

AH...HHAH!! There you go. God said "You will not be able to be fair regarding the women even if you make every effort....". It's obvious polygamy is discouraged in Islam, although it is not forbidden. Just like alcohol, God said, "The detrimental effect overwhelms the benefits. Go ahead if you think you can control yourself." but unlike alcohol consumption, with the issue of polygamy God went on to say that "I know you cannot be just even if you try all out". What now? Sebat polygamist like we sebat Kartika for getting caught drinking beer in public? Why the double standard huh? Sekarang apa macam daaaa?

(More stories about polygamy, including the recently launched "Jom Polygamy" campaign by Abuya....can't he just stick to making that halal chili sos?)

Of course God did not forbid keeping more than one wife at the time when the verse was , as at the time the directive came, everyone were busy jumping on their wivessssss, it was probably a version of Woodstock but a legal version. Imagine how many women would have found themselves to be overnight divorcees, more rapid than people finding themselves kaya via Skim Cepat Kaya should such strong words come from God. Should a man use the actual head instead of the other, he would be able to deduce that keeping to one marriage gives less detrimental effects to them. I mean, look at Abuya who just launched "Jom Polygamy"(well, I call it that. Go on, click on the link if you feel like reading some comic in the form of writing) for instance; how do you think he got that multiple orgasms..oops...I mean multiple strokes in the first place eh? Lucky him the blood clot did not clog the other head's vessels, otherwise he may experience failure to launch...the campaign I meant (pun intended..heh..heh..). Totally un-shaggidalic if you ask me..

Check out snippets of the insights avowed on the launch day as reported in the Star . (Tip from Anas who will be writing on the same matter later, be sure to check it out). Click on link I posted above for the full article in Star Online;(of course the blue prints are my comments...)

"With some assistance from her daughter-in-law, Hatijah shuffled purposefully towards the mike. Back hunched and voice wheezy, she began her speech on behalf of Abuya, who was recovering from the crippling effects of multiple strokes: “Our society has crumbled as a result of politicians who are involved in sex scandals.” (Damn! And I was under the impression that it was the failure of the other head to operate that seem to be causing all those newsworthy scandals...err..the non sexual ones....)

A woman was walking around handing out the club’s literature. A picture of Abuya and his three surviving wives (well, they're surviving polygamy, if you call surviving, living)beamed from the cover of one booklet. Underneath it were gold-embossed words: Indahnya Poligamy: Suami untuk Dikongsi, Bukan untuk Diperebutkan (How Wonderful is Polygamy: Husbands are to be Shared, Not Fought Over). ( it's all about the men isn't it?)

Up on stage, Hatijah continued to address the crowd in Malay: “People have been criticising polygamy for so long, but what about monogamy? The existence of mistresses and prostitutes shows that it does not work. (Well, at least the prostitutes and mistresses are smarter in the sense that they make the men who kept them in the concubine pay for their least we can tax them if these practices are made legal. Hmmm.... ) therefore, polygamy acts as the alternative. (To what? making good money from sex?). Women should accept their husband’s tendency to stray, for it is God that made them that way.(the tendency to stray is a choice, don't go blaming my God for the dumb choices you make!!!)

In Sura 4:79:

''Whatever good, (O man!) happens to thee, is from God; But whatever evil happens to thee, is from thy (own soul), and we have sent thee as an Apostle to instruct mankind and enough is God for a witness."

“For peace to prevail at home, women should start seeing his other wives as sisters, (but..but..but...God says you cannot marry two sisters at the same time - An Nisa' verse 23) rather than enemies. It’s a sacrifice every woman must make, (...EVERY woman MUST make this sacrifice? Where, on planet of the Apes? Err...says who again?) for the sake of her husband. (hmmm...interest of men convenient...). Don’t say you’d rather be single. (oh but I do, rather be single then putting my foot into hypocritical mess. Quite serene to the mind you know, you should try it sometime) It’s like crawling into a tiger’s stomach, instead of an alligator’s.” " (actually, being single is like crawling into bed WITHOUT the tiger and the alligator in the same bed)

That's it. That's about all I can stomach from the article. Go any further and I'll work up a cardiac, or a sudden onset of burst aneurysm in the brain or something like that. What irritates me the most is the ignorance and the unaware state of these women so much so, they allow mind manipulation to happen to them. I don't know whether to feel sorry for them or to conclude that they deserve what they get.

Moving on, funny thing happened when I tried to come up with this piece of literature. I took up a couple of Index Al Quran, in order to search for "polygamy" to obtain the verses pertaining to it. And guess what, the search word "Polygamy" is not listed in the Quran Index!! For the Ummah who are experts on the practice of polygamy, it is bewildering that we don't have the word "polygamy" in the Quran Index. Don't we want everyone to know what the Quran says about "polygamy"? Amazing. After all, the less women know about the discouragement of God on the matter of polygamy, the better right? I hardly come across "Religious Men" marrying damsel in distress from the age box say 30 and above. But more perennial would be them marrying young women, who some had just only yesterday learned how to apply the sanitary pads onto their panties.

So, what was all that talk regarding "polygamy" as a way to save women, all about? What happened to saving the real damsels in distress e.g. the widows or divorcees with say 6 kids. Why not save them from the ridicule of society from things like, "Run!! Janda coming our way!! Hide your husbands!!! (or sons, or just hide)" to laughing at divorcees driving in Gen2, calling them "Mak Jen in Gen2" or annoying insensitive things like that?

Do they think it's funny that she was divorced and having to feed 6 little tummies and not being able to sleep at night wondering how to do that, because every time she walks into the Religious Department to settle the kid's nafkah, she gets to pay a fee and fill up endless forms, only to find that these so called Islamic defenders of the oppressed did not have as much exertion on taking in the irresponsible fathers to meet his financial responsibilities to the product of his sperm, as they do with couples caught sitting together in the park trying to enjoy some privacy.

Then again, almost nothing gets settled on normal human time, in the religious department because almost all the time, a large portion of the staff will be out attending endless courses, probably on how to hide in bushes in order to catch couples making out. Wonder what they call those courses? Inter-courses?

Here's some flash news. Divorcees and widows, do not so much need to be saved, they need empathy and support, something that is unfortunately lacking in our society.

Men have long lost the excuse for polygamy. Take marrying for the sake of getting a child as an example. Currently, with modern science that help throw the sound of azan further than what is use to be, there are scientific interventions that may aid an infertile woman to become pregnant. My cousin seeked help via IVF. The doctor told her in a joking manner, "You should promote me to your friends. With me, you buy one you get two free". Well, my cousin had triplets. If you say it is an expensive procedure to produce an heir, well, then, if you can afford a whole new marriage and the existing one, how can you not afford a couple or rounds of these procedures right?

Besides, what is wrong with adopting orphans? Don't they deserve love like the other normal children? If you are so religious, why not do an orphan a favour and adopt the kid?

In Al Baqarah verse 177, God said;

لَّيْسَ الْبِرَّ أَن تُوَلُّواْ وُجُوهَكُمْ قِبَلَ الْمَشْرِقِ وَالْمَغْرِبِ وَلَـكِنَّ الْبِرَّ مَنْ آمَنَ بِاللّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ وَالْمَلآئِكَةِ وَالْكِتَابِ وَالنَّبِيِّينَ وَآتَى الْمَالَ عَلَى حُبِّهِ ذَوِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْيَتَامَى وَالْمَسَاكِينَ وَابْنَ السَّبِيلِ وَالسَّآئِلِينَ وَفِي الرِّقَابِ وَأَقَامَ الصَّلاةَ وَآتَى الزَّكَاةَ وَالْمُوفُونَ بِعَهْدِهِمْ إِذَا عَاهَدُواْ وَالصَّابِرِينَ فِي الْبَأْسَاء والضَّرَّاء وَحِينَ الْبَأْسِ أُولَـئِكَ الَّذِينَ صَدَقُوا وَأُولَـئِكَ هُمُ الْمُتَّقُونَ

"It is not righteousness that ye turn your faces to the East and the West; but righteous is he who believeth in Allah and the Last Day and the angels and the Scripture and the prophets; and giveth wealth, for love of Him, to kinsfolk and to orphans and the needy and the wayfarer and to those who ask, and to set slaves free; and observeth proper worship and payeth the poor-due. And those who keep their treaty when they make one, and the patient in tribulation and adversity and time of stress. Such are they who are sincere. Such are the Allah-fearing."

Again, in the same surah verse 215,

يَسْأَلُونَكَ مَاذَا يُنفِقُونَ قُلْ مَا أَنفَقْتُم مِّنْ خَيْرٍ فَلِلْوَالِدَيْنِ وَالأَقْرَبِينَ وَالْيَتَامَى وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا تَفْعَلُواْ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَإِنَّ اللّهَ بِهِ عَلِيمٌ

"They ask thee, (O Muhammad), what they shall spend. Say: that which ye spend for good (must go) to parents and near kindred and orphans and the needy and the wayfarer. And whatsoever good ye do, lo! Allah is Aware of it."

Also in the Baqarah verse 220, God encourages to elevate the status of orphans.

الدُّنْيَا وَالآخِرَةِ وَيَسْأَلُونَكَ عَنِ الْيَتَامَى قُلْ إِصْلاَحٌ لَّهُمْ خَيْرٌ وَإِنْ تُخَالِطُوهُمْ فَإِخْوَانُكُمْ وَاللّهُ يَعْلَمُ الْمُفْسِدَ مِنَ الْمُصْلِحِ وَلَوْ شَاء اللّهُ لأعْنَتَكُمْ إِنَّ اللّهَ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ

"Upon the world and the Hereafter. And they question thee concerning orphans. Say: To improve their lot is best. And if ye mingle your affairs with theirs, then (they are) your brothers. Allah knoweth him who spoileth from him who improveth. Had Allah willed He could have overburdened you. Allah is Mighty, Wise."

Where is the sincerity in polygamy? I'll answer that, "in practice, there is no sincerity". Unlike the days of the Ignorance, there is no widow, or divorcees who are about to be thrown into the fire, or gang raped after she is divorced or after the husband dies, in this era. In fact, widows and divorcees are doing quite fine if you ask me, some even better than ordinary men. Yes, they may be short of cash at times, but so are the others, don't have to be widows and divorcee to run out of cash. Besides, you don't have to marry someone just to give her a helping hand.

So I guess, it makes more sense to save your marriage rather than trying to save someone else by straining your marriage. Marrying them for to take care of sexual needs? Honey, this is the electronic and internet era we're in today. You don't need to buy the whole pig just to get taste the sausage (so the saying goes). Don't tell me about women willing to share, it's all hypocritical, when a woman says that. Well, either hypocritical or not the first wife.

Some may raise the question of how to solve the overwhelming unmarried women ratio to men? Well, I agree some solution must be achieved, but polygamy is not an option. You cannot solve a problem with a potentially bigger problem. Besides, apart from society's scrutiny of singletons, be it original singletons or the recycled ones, what's so bad about being single? Perhaps it is the society who should be educated in respecting society who are singles. As for Malay women who are fond of snitching other people's husband and marrying them, think of the consequences of your actions. You are destroying a family, not to mention the kids' happiness. It is not the right thing to do. It's like frogging actually. Even though it is legal, it is just not ethical, and laws are mend to be amended, because, it is humans that make the law anyway and from time to time, it should be adjusted to tailor to the society's needs.

I can understand if people were to say that they practice polygamy because they cannot contain their itch to do so. I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with, is the insistence that it is a good practice, some even proclaim that it is encouraged by Islam, despite God, in His words in the Quran clearly discourages such a practice, for the benefit of the human kind. To say otherwise is to rebuke the words of God. In short, what I cannot accept is the lie about polygamy, from it's purpose, to the way it is actually practiced. Don't say polygamy is a good practice and it solves most of today's social problems, because it's just a downright lie. Just say, we practice polygamy because we are human, and to human is to err, or to itch..there...... I will respect that slightly more than I do the big hypocrisy.

Listen in to the words of P. Ramlee singing, for in practice,most of the time, that is what it really is, a web of lies....and with the return of Abuya, as a driving force (has anyone considered hiring him in a Tongkat Ali advert yet?) you can expect the Rise of The (Legalized Sex) Machines. But unlike in the Terminator Trilogy, these machine do not terminate...instead, they procreate....

1 comment:

Hazriq said...

There goes my dream of keeping a concubine, legally.