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Tuesday, 24 November 2009

This Malay Annals

It's the time of the year where you can start finding calendars on sale again. Although I don't use calendar ever since I have indulged in this love affair with my smart phone, (Nokia - definitely idiot proof), it does not stop me from browsing through them, just for fun. Frankly, a bored general practitioner needs a life in order to actually have something to write about, in a diary. I can imagine what I would write just to show that I too, am interesting enough to have a full page written on a diary page.

Monday:

Dear Diary,

Oh...sodding mournday....again. Remind me again, what is the purpose of life? And whatever happened to Sunday? F***, where's that oto-thermometer (the ear thermometer), I can't survive Mondays without it. These patients think that I was born yesterday. Hacks can only increase tongue temperature only 2degrees celcius, and I can counter that by saying "you're ovulating, body temperature a little up", but can't use that on men, obviously. Hot water, gulped urgently 2 seconds before entering the consultation room, may just get the job done. But you have to really look sick to have that amount of temperature rise. And that's where my oto-thermometer comes in....just when the patient thought that he'd managed to pull a fast one on me, I'd pull up that oto-thermometer and take another temperature reading from his ear. Unless his brains were fried from trying to figure out how to get MC from me, that thermometer should give a true temperature reading. Bring it aaaawwwwnnnnnn you bloody malingerers...

Tuesday all the way to Thursday:

Dear Diary,

Kindly refer to Monday notes.

Friday:

Dear Diary,

I put my stetoscope onto his chest and all I can hear is the sound of music and laughter coming tonight's dinner at La Bodega's, drowning the sound of his heartbeat.

Saturday and Sundays :

Dear diary,

sorry, I'm busy living my life ergo no time to write on you. There's too many parties, kenduris (including for male circumcision....I don't support female circumcision...basically it's human mutilation), stand up comedy shows and lectures to go to.

See what I mean when I say we doctors do not need a diary?

Then my eyes were feasted upon this very Islamic diary. It made me wonder, what does it mean; an Islamic diary? Is it to show that this diary had circumcised it's extra flap of paper and converted itself into Islam? Only Muslims can use this diary? What is the fatwa's take on infidels purchasing this diary, let alone use it? Are we to write Islamic things in there? (oo...no more writing bedtime version of "taking matters into my own hands"). Do one need to replace stories of celebration, to stories of celibation? Hmm...Can I write about the blow job done in space by our first and probably last astronaut? ( well, I don't know what else to call blowing soap into balloons that cost a lot of other people's money, unless you have a better suggestion). I was drowned in an abyss of ...well, basically dung thoughts. See, this is also why I find "Pusat Rawatan Islam" very mind boggling.





The mind boggling "Diary Islam".














And below is another alarming sign that caught my eyes at, Bangsar Shopping Village, of all places. You know how bad things are when posh and muhibbah places like this, gets infected with signs like these;


Buggered!! Now we've got a halal and haram queues......so why not make a separate lane for the Muslims to pay their beef, just to respect the Indians and the vegetarians? Then create another counter to pay for the condoms and KY jellies, label them "for fornicators" and "for non fornicators". While we're at it, come up with another counter for "those wearing tudung with underlying problems" and "those who wear tudung without underlying problems" (I said underlying, not underwear, please concentrate, thank you). Because, there are some people who wear tudung, that makes Shakira's song, "Underneath your clothes, there's a different story" (namely "fungal stories") a true story. I've treated many of them, so no one can say I made this up. Then have another line for those "who tak pakai tudung". I mean, if you're talking about respecting the community, why restrict to just respecting the Malays/Muslims sentiments only eh? Are you trying to tell me, the minorities sentiments are not to be respected?

When my eyes first caught sight of this book, I thought that it was about Anwar. Apparently, as I put on my glasses, it's actually the Malay Chronic-les.















I saw this cartoon on facebook, and I thought I'd share it with you.
















I was walking around one of the shopping complex, when I saw this lovely old couple, still holding hands after all these years. Of course, it could be that they had just gotten married after some previous ugly divorce. But for a moment, there was bliss.
















I'm so excited, I have to share this with you!!!! I now know where Superman lives. I'm still waiting to catch him dash out that door....
























Below, my kid just demonstrated to me, how Darwin first thought of his Theory of Evolution. It was over lunch with his kid I suppose......

3 comments:

Planet of the Monyets said...

"When my eyes first caught sight of this book, I thought that it was about Anwar. Apparently, as I put on my glasses, it's actually the Malay Chronic-les"

LOL

Jahamy said...

Hilarious!

salam.

hazriq said...

Aaaahhhh. You're back, the usual wicked you. :-D