To romance or to Love Actually, is the question.....

A friend of mine asked me how do I know who is the right guy to marry, how I ended up marrying my husband. He is 40plus, never been married, (he may as well be gay) nor have a relationship that lasted more than 2 years..a toxic bachelor I believe is the general term.

Welcome to my world. I save lives. That's me. I save lives at work.(issuing MCs is kind of saving someone's life - the boss may kill him if he fails to make the deadline without being dead) I save the lives of toxic bachelors and bachelorettes after work. I wonder sometimes, with all the busy schedule, who's going to save mine?

I looked at him and ask him a simple question. " What are you looking for in life ?".
"What do you mean" was the answer, of which I expected. After all, the reason why the world is so screwed up today is because people do not know what they are looking for. I mean, look at George Bush Jr. He thought he knew what he was looking for in Iraq, and look how he's search hobby ended up.

"What are you looking for? Which part of the English you don't comprehend?". My sarcasms are what binds us together in this long platonic friendship. "I don't know...a smart girl who's good looking, and just nice boobs...", at which point I interrupted him,"Vokkkey...I got the picture. What is it about men and boobs anyway? It's no wonder Breast Surgeons drive posh cars and I have problems getting dates...".

I won't bother going into the next 15minutes of our conversation, most of it involved Dolly Parton's assets and my conspiracy theory that my father in law, who I truly adore, died not because of a massive heart attack, but suffocated in the arms of my mom in law's massive....oh..excuse me..I just got carried away, sorry.

Anyway, back to the topic of narration, I ask him,"Are you looking for love and romance, or are you looking for true love to live forever with?" He looked at me like I had just regenerated my hymen and said," Well all of it of course."

I returned him the same look, (we both know he had broken his virginity more frequent than the turnover of a cancer cells. It's amazing how some people can get away with philandering,unlike what they taught us in religious and medical school, I'm beginning to think that there is no god.) , and answered , "It's no wonder you are a toxic bachelor. You live in Bollywood."

The reason love stories exist is because they are surreal and hardly happen to anyone in the real life. So rare that they make it into movies. With such thirst for romance and true love to happen all at once, that is why Love Movies turn out to be Blockbusters. 'That is why, incidentally the movies a made in the first place. Should romance that ended up with a happy ever after, is a common phenomenon, then nobody would want to pay for seats and pop corns to go watch it, just stare out the window into the neighbour's house and watch romance and marriage happening simultaneously.

Come on!! I'm 40plus, formerly married, and I've never experience scenarios like turning my head around and bump into this gorgeous hunk and have the breeze blow through my hair at the exact moment our eyes locked. My hubby and I locked our eyes when I caught him cheating over a monopoly game we all played together at a gathering. The first time I set my eyes on him upon introduction by friends, my first impression was,"Yukh!!.Not my type!!".

Back to this romantic encounter,here's some reality check. I'd probably bump into this gorgeous guy and I'd be looking at him, while he would be busy checking whether his worked out muscles are well toned against the t shirt he was wearing, to even notice me. Even if our eyes locked, he'd probably look away immediately because he'd recognized that I was the doctor who had treated his Clamydia that he had gotten from some wild one night stand with a girl he picked up from Bangsar.(trust me, it had happened before. My love life is ruined because I am a doctor). These my dear friends, are stories of reality. I know. It bites.

So back to my poor toxic bachelor friend, I told him a few simple thing. What is he looking in a relationship? Is he looking for romance? Or is he looking for a lifetime partner?
If he's looking for romance, than,this is the easiest thing to do. Just go on out there as good as blindfolded, and fall in love with love. Get married, then divorce a couple of years down the line. I'm not being a pessimist. Go check the statistics of the rate of divorce hitherto. It's enough to make cupids opt for an early retirement.

But if you're looking for a soul mate, then start looking into her soul, and try to forget her boobs,at least for a while. He or she may not be as good looking as you painted in your imagination, the section in the brain that got you into this trouble in the first place.

I'm not being condescending to the good looking people out there. It'll be great if you could find someone who you like as a person and coincidentally, is good looking. Looks is not important by the way. It's just bonus. I don't know about you, but I've dated good looking guys and wonder, "is that all? come on...there must be something to back up that good looks. My heart can't pump this fast too long. I need something else to sustain this pace"

For me, I'm not looking for perfection. That's because nobody's perfect. I am looking for someone who is perfectly imperfect but perfect for each other. That was how I married my late husband. I saw his soul and he saw mine. Coincidentally, the sex was good too. So I guess, in a way I was truly blessed. Should he be alive today, I'd probably still have lots of fights with him, and lots of making outs after that, but it's only because we love each other very much.

One more thing. The trouble with us is we think we could choose who we love. Love is just love. We can love just about anyone. But when longevity is concern, ask yourself, can we imagine life without that love? That, should be a good start to finding our soul mates.

You must know yourself in order to know what you want in life. If you are looking for a soul mate to settle down with, then start with looking into her soul. Otherwise, ah well, there are plenty of people out there to have romances reinvented over and over, until the right one comes along.

For those of you who have already found your soul mates, be grateful and remind yourself everyday how lucky you are to have such a blessed relationship. It'll help you through the period of feeling like strangling each other, call it temporary insanity. I was lucky to have experienced true love once. Cherish and be grateful of what you have and stop whining about what you don't. You may not get lucky the second time around....