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Saturday, 13 June 2009

PahNur's Top Ten (well, almost) guide to a failed marriage...

I have seen many cases of broken marriages , or just about on the way there, ending up on my patient's chair finishing my tissue supply. Unsurprisingly, majority are women. I reckon men have the same emotional problem, but different manifestation (like coming in with "failure to launch" problem hoping to get viagra, presumably to use for purpose of patching up the marriage). That, and basically men and women respond differently to a midlife crisis or a failed marriage or just crisis.

Whilst women are easily diagnosed,more often coming in with symptoms like headache (that sounded more like a heartache),or a racing heartbeat,(that is so like when you think you bumped into George Clooney except it felt like perimenopausal palpitations), or when they come in with eyes that looked like they have not bags, rather a runaway luggage beneath the lower eyelids, bound for Zimbabwe), men are a little tough to diagnose,for basic reasons that most men are emotional retards,(so no in touch with the feminine side...whatever that crap is..) they cannot grasp their own feelings, let alone comprehend the feelings of their partner. Midlife crisis to a man can manifest in a form of positivity like indulging into spirituality and religion, to coming in with a ridiculous (because it was on them) looking cowboy boots and leather jacket popping in for a jift to restock viagra whilst a hot babe with boobs bigger than Alley Cat's hair awaits on the Harley Davidson outside the clinic)

The bigger difference between how a man and a woman handle crisis would be admitting that there is a crisis. Whilst women would sit at home and cry buckets over not even a Petronas ad, most men would respond to a marital problem, by creating new ones. (Alas! It was a man who came up with the "buy one get another free" concept.) This one, I cannot for the life of me understand. Then again, I'm a woman and I only have one head and need not compete with another for the total body blood supply.

I remember having a little discussion with my girl friend who said, "men cannot differentiate between glass and diamond". I begged to differ saying,"It's not that men do not know how to differentiate between glass and diamond, it's just that with glass, the possibility of it breaking is much higher, and that would give them a big fat excuse to replace it. Diamond on the other hand, lasts forever. Can you imagine how boring that would be to most men?"

Well, whatever it is, I've listened to more heartbreaks to make me run back to Acute & Emergency department. At least there, bones are the ones that get broken the most, and broken bones are fixable....much simpler than a broken heart.

Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you,

PahNur's top 10 "Wrong reasons to get hitched, in a Putrajaya-precinct order" :(based on clinical experience and opinion not fact checked)

1.. Getting married for the heck of it. Well, everyone else is doing it and you just want to fit into society.

2.Getting married because it is in the plan. This is especially true with women. Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock! Ticks the biological clock! I had a friend who broke up with her boyfriend because he did not propose on schedule...her schedule. Pssst... true love does not fall according to plans, didn't anyone ever tell you that? Besides, you can't choose who you love...Men on the other hand, is about timing. I can't help but recall Miranda's line in "Sex and the City" ;

"Men are like cabs, when their available their light goes on. They awake one day and decide their ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. Next woman they pickup, boom, that' the one they'll marry. It's not fate, it's dumb luck."

3. Getting married thinking you can change each other after that. Oscar Wilde once said;

"Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed."
He should have been born in California in the Californication age where gay marriage is legal..I personally think gay marriages will last longer. Both men were tired...

4. Married mother's choice. During Captain Cavemen age, perhaps they may last, but in this FaceBook age...puuuh-leeeezzzzzz...Next thing you know the wife will be sleeping with the kids and hubby will be busy "working" on the net.

5. Marry as a business contract. The marriage of two family of financial giants emerging into one. If there is anything a marriage is, it's a contract of love, full stop.

6. Marrying, thinking if anything goes wrong, there's always polygamy to resort to. I'm tired of talking about polygamy.

7. Marrying thinking it's the end of a journey...stop trying to impress and relax...start taking your spouse for granted...that's when the beginning of and end begins..My parents have been married for the last...well, as far as I can remember. I remember them sneaking out on a date on regular basis every once a week, leaving us with trustworthy baby sitters. They are 70ish now,and they do not need to sneak out anymore, they still go on dates, and are still caught holding hands whilst crossing the road. Once, I caught them doing's too gross, subject change!! I mean it's sweet that at that age, they are still know...doing it..but it's gross to imagine your own parents making another sibling..yukh!!

8. Marrying for the right reasons to the wrong person.( So, I'm going on a tangent...I'm struggling to complete this list, give me a break!!) If one is looking for a soul mate, start looking into the soul, and stop staring at the boobs. As for women, well, most women are just happy to even get married. (False sense of security)

9. Marrying to legalize sex. Hello! Ever heard of test driving a car before purchasing it?!! Another form is what I believe people call polygamy; a hypocritical method of legalizing sex.

10. You tell me.....

I leave you with a lovely song about love. If you can truly decipher the lyrics, just maybe, you and your significant other may just make it all the way.....(I highly recommend listening to full song and lyrics)

All The Way - Jeffrey Osborne

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