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Sunday, 7 February 2010

We Are All Sinners !!!

I don't understand why some people think that Islam is no funny business. I mean, apart from Salman Rushdie I'm sure people who read the soal jawab ugama in the local papers, listening in to some of the ceramah agama blasted through the mosque speakers, on a boring day will tell you they get all the giggles they need out of reading about clerics issuing fatwas.. The last fatwa that made me laugh was Breastfeed for brotherhood program, and that was issued sometime in 2007. Come to think of it, maybe the end of days due 2012 will come the moment these jokers ran out of these fatwas. I mean, when humor dies, the world comes to an end right? Maybe that was what Nostradamus' s prophesy in 2012 ..is all about....the end of fartwas....

What am I ranting about? Haven't you heard yet? We are all sinners!!! Read about fatwa from the Egyption Cleric calling FB users sinners.

What next? Ban men because they have sperm, ban women ...wait...women have long been banned in form of suppression, ban coke because if wrongly pronounced it will sound like, "May I have two large 'cocks' please?", ban books because they can lead to intellectualism, (oh wait, they've already been doing that), ban laughing too hard because they may lead to hernia, ban dancing because it can lead to sex? The last statement comes with a story, courtesy of Art Harun; which to me, explains very well the process of thinking involved in the making of some fartwas...

"A Saudi couple, Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding, meet with their Mullah for counseling.

The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave.

Ahmed asks, "We realize it's tradition in Islam for men to dance with
men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd
like your permission to dance together."
"Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always
dance separately."
"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"
"No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden in Islam."
"Well, okay," says Ahmed, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?"
"Of course!" replies the Mullah, "Allah Akbar! (GOD is great) Sex is OK
within marriage, to have children!"
"What about different positions?" asks the man.
"Allah Akbar! Mafi Mushkila (no problem)," says the Mullah.
"Woman on top?" Ahmed asks.
"Sure," says the Mullah. "Allah Akbar. Go for it!"
"Doggy style?"
"Sure! Allah Akbar!"
"On the kitchen table?"
"Yes, yes! Allah Akbar!"
"Can I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators,leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?"
"You may indeed.. Allah Akbar!"
"Can we do it standing up?"
"No, absolutely not!" says the Mullah."
"Why not?" asks the man.
"Because that could lead to dancing!"

What next to ban eh? How about we ban banning? That sounds more logical right?

Quran:[Yusufali 16:116]

"But say not - for any false thing that your tongues may put forth,- "This is lawful, and this is forbidden," so as to ascribe false things to Allah. For those who ascribe false things to Allah, will never prosper".


5 comments:

SHAIKH MUSTAFA said...

Do your thing and you will be the king/queen. Never trust politicians and ulamaks.

Planet of the Monyets said...

The recent statement by JAIS ... we will be looking for couples having candle light dinners on Valentine's Day as this usually leads to sex at nearby budget hotels. LOL

ummi said...

This is exactly the kind of stuff that makes me want to shed everything and leave Allah in His raw form..

Planet of the Monyets said...

something I received in the email last year.


KENYATAAN AKHBAR - ROTI CANAI
MAJLIS FATWA KEBANGSAAN


Mulai 1 Januari 2009, orang beragama Islam di Malaysia di larang dari memakan roti canai, roti telor, roti pisang dan roti bawang. Keputusan Majlis Fatwa ini dicapai setelah Majlis meneliti sejarah pembuatan roti canai di peringkat antarabangsa dan mendapati bahawa terdapat unsur-unsur agama Hindu dan Kristian di dalam resepi serta kaedah masakan roti canai.

Pertama sekali roti canai berasal dari India. Ianya dibawa ke Tanah Melayu (pada masa itu belum lagi dikenali sebagai Tanah Melayu - cuma tanah rempah sahaja) pada tahun 1215 oleh saudagar rempah dari India Selatan yang beragama Hindu. Roti canai diterima baik disini pada masa itu kerana hampir kesemua penduduk di sini sememangnya beragama Hindu. Roti canai mendapat sambutan hangat dikalangan penduduk tempatan sehingga ianya diistiharkan sebagai barang kawalan oleh pemerintah di jajahan Kadaram (sekarang dikenali sebagai Kedah) pada masa itu. Resepi roti canai yang asal juga diubahsuai oleh penduduk tempatan dengan menggunakan buah pisang tempatan - maka terhasillah roti pisang. Roti canai dan roti pisang digunakan di upacara keagamaaan orang Melayu pada masa itu (pada masa itu kesemuanya beragama Hindu). Berasaskan maklumat ini, terbuktilah bahawa roti canai mempunyai unsur-unsur agama Hindu dan memang patut diharamkan.

Teori yang kedua menyatakan bahawa roti canai dibawa ke Tanah Melayu oleh penjajah Portugis dan Belanda, kedua-duanya beragama Kristian. Pihak Portugis mengubahsuai roti tersebut menjadi roti telor dan roti bawang kerana kegemaran tentera Portugis pada masa itu ialah telor itek dan bawang merah. Roti telor dan roti bawang seterusnya digunakan di dalam upacara keagamaan di gereja di Melaka pada masa itu. Tulisan-tulisan sejarah juga mengatakan bahawa bau harum roti bawang yang terbit dari gereja pada masa itu mampu menarik orang ramai untuk mengunjungi gereja. Pihak Belanda seterusnya menggunakan tektik tersebut untuk menggoda orang Melayu untuk memeluk agama Kristian.

Oleh yang demikian dan bersertakan bukti-bukti yang kukuh, Majlis Fatwa Kebangsaan dengan ini mengistiyarkan bahawa roti canai, roti pisang, roti bawang dan roti telor adalah haram. Barang siapa yang didapati memakan roti canai boleh didenda sebanyak RM 1000 atau dipenjara 2 tahun atau kedua-duanya sekali. Pengecualian diberikan kepada wanita hamil (6 bulan keatas) serta kaum mamak yang besar kemungkinan akan mati sekiranya tidak memakan roti canai.




Malis Fatwa Kebangsaan
11 Disember 2008

PahNur said...

Shaikh....King and Queen oso cannot;

3:64 Say, "O people of the book, let us come to a common statement between us and between you; that we do not serve except God, and do not set up anything at all with Him, and that none of us takes each other as lords beside God." If they turn away, then say, "Bear witness that we have peacefully surrendered."

P.O.T.M; and that is why the Pejabat Ugama never get any divorce/alimony cases settled...becoz all kaki and tangan are either off for kursus, or to maksiat hot spots....those poor kids awaits for financial support from their father as these pegawai make themselves busy with irrelevant things...p/s...i don't think wanita hamil craves for ehem..pisang....

Ummi; Allah should be left in His raw form....humans are always the busy body who would want to make themselves look important by deciding even by what name He should be called....