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Wednesday, 1 July 2009

HHHaaaa AAaaHHHHH !! oooAAAhhhh!! "YESSS!!!"...S'il vous plait, merci ...

One of my many passions, especially during my college years is sports. I tried my hands on most of the events and when I finally got bored with track events, I had a long term love affair with tennis. I remember getting up during the wee hour of the weekend mornings to play, till the noon sun looked down upon us, probably irritated that we were not intimidated by it's might, apart from going down again in the evening. Boys who were in queue used to get irritated because, by underestimating my passion for tennis, they tried to intimidate me, by purposely warming up just by the court hinting for me to quit, thinking I would be tired by the time they completed their warm up and stretches. I was not intimidated by the sun, (in our society, the darker a girl gets, the less the Mas Kahwin will I was told) , so what made them think that I would get intimidated by them...

It took them a couple of occasions to understand, that I was there to stay. (and bloody hell not for any of them...). I remained the only girl on the tennis court for the next 2 years, which was frustrating for the boys in our "circle". They use to ask me, "when are you bringing some girls down here with you? Everyday it's just your face we are seeing, it's kind of boring" to which my standard reply was, "you guys are looking for love in all the wrong places. Try the pedicure manicure shops". ( what am I? A pimp?)

Most other girls thought I was nuts, they were probably right, mainly because I was stupid enough to burn my skin and risk not looking fair and pretty, apparently.( to which I have no regrets - what a waste of life, having beauty to dictate it). I could not care less. Besides, my boy friend back then was an Indian guy, (totally not into sports - I guess it's true that opposite attracts..only obviously not that long, because he became my ex), so he can't really complain can he? (In fact, if I were to recall, he was more unhappy about having to share me with tennis rather than the metamorphosis of my skin tone, from fairly fair, to, well, like a prawn just before it gets burnt on the BBQ fire). I'm sure he saw past my dark skin as I did his...(oh, but the tendency of being attracted to men with darker colored skin as a result of teenage reading of "Mills and Boons" (destructive pieces of literature) as an idea of the perfect man - tall, dark and handsome may not count as "tolerating color" can it? These books gives you the idea that men who are not tan are not manly. Hmm...maybe they are on to something there..People like George Clooney digs this, that is why most of his free time is spent sun bathing)

Perhaps it was because I was the only gal on the court, or maybe because I believe that grunting was only appropriate during sex, I don't know, but one thing I have never done, not even in any tournament, was to grunt to enhance performance. (and I'm no longer talking about sex now). Apparently, there are some professional tennis players out there who think passion on tennis court warrants the same kind of expression as passion for making babies.

What the hell am I rambling about, you ask me? Wait..I'm feeling intense and feel the need to perform at best here..ooohhhh...haaaaakkk aaaahhhhhh....uuhhhhhh...iiiihhhhhhhh, yessss...there you go, now I feel less tense...Where were we? Ah yes, well, it seems that there is a big hoo haa going on regarding "grunting" on court raised by International Tennis Association . Personally, I blame it on Moaning Monica (as in Selles, not Lewinsky....hmm....there's something about that name "Monica" that implies corpulation ....)
Listen to her in this video if you don't believe me...(caution all the videos are PG 18)

If that was not forepl...I mean foul play, I don't know what else is....The distraction coming out of her mouth may cause a back hand to turned into a lob. Perhaps that was why she got stabbed, some time back, probably by some sadist inflicting pain when he was just about to have an orgasm from all that erotic play....who, take a peep if you have the patience...or the passion...

And then, Maria Sharapova took it to the next level, next pitch more precisely, by basically grunting in a pitch fit for the frequency even the animals can attain orgasm if they are into bestiality. For me though, the sounds she made jerked me back to the day of my internship at the Obstetric Labor room. Sounded more like she was going to give birth to a durian...if you're into self expression, in it's extreme manner, go ahead and listen to this woman play;

I mean, I can still understand Mc Enroe, at the age of 48,voicing out his opinion to the referee. After all, well, he did come from a free country that encourages free speech. Take a listen;

But grunting on court....give me a break....

Apparently, after years of torture to the ears by more players who contracted "gruntirhoea" (err..grunting diarrhoea? Don't bother looking it up in the medical dictionary...I just made that one up) from Selles, the International Tennis Federation had decided to put their foot down on this matter. Read it in Tennis body mulls grunting penalties and The grunts stops here . Chris Everts, was also asked to comment .Chris Evert: Women's 'grunting' getting out of hand - ESPN
and here ;Chris Evert calls "grunting" in female tennis both "shrill" and "distracting" (you don't say..I think these gals got their alphabets mixed may grunt when you play the penis but not the tennis.....get that?).

Just to be fair, let's hear what science have to say about grunting while playing anything. Take a peep;
Does grunting help tennis players with their game?

If we want to watch porn, this is the age of the AI, ( in Artificial Intelligence, we're not talking politics here so AI is not Anwar...although I must say it does tally though..) we will log in and watch porn. It's when we turn on to watch tennis, it's tennis that we would like to watch, minus the discomfort of an unintentional erection for some...I think these grunters should attend psychiatric treatment, just as McEnroe should attend Anger Management courses.

I've saved the best for last. If you've missed all the videos, perhaps this last one would be the one you should watch. It's Venus Williams vs Maria Sharapova, in a match of what I term as Sports Porn titled "Gran...I mean Grunt Masters" ....enjoy.....The tennis was just bonus...

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